Well, I am no longer employed as a medical transcriptionst. It's very stressful right now, with the money issue; the good news is, I will be pulling in some serious overtime at the vet clinic for a while; we are short-handed 1 person, and then had another one quit yesterday. Wow. Also, another good thing, Jon is back on first, so I don't have to worry about kids as much anymore. Whew.
I was down another pound this morning. I slipped a bit yesterday, but I'm not beating myself up over it. I had a good week, and I had a stressful friday, so I took the easy way out and splurged a bit on dinner. But, I already know i"m not carb sensitive, so I know it doesn't really set me back; and also, I've seemed to notice that after I go a little while of being really low, sort or dragging and stalling, splurging or cheating or what have you seems to give me a boost,as long as I get right back on the wagon, and I start losing again.
Not doing so well on the workout standpoint, though. I only did one this week. I plan on doing yoga tomorrow morning before work, and then really hoping to bust it out this next week. I made a new friend, lol; I was talking to this girl at work about the contest I entered, and she encouraged one of her friends, who had joined a similar contest, to contact me, so we could sort of be support buddies. Things always seem to take an unexpected turn when you least expect it...
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Loneliness
This is sort of long-winded; sometimes I get into moods to actually journal. Its kind of sad to me that I didn't really have anywhere to put this without worrying about who was going to see it, and the repercussions of that.
Most of the time, I don’t mind being alone. In fact, I revel in it. I usually feel smothered if I don’t get alone time. But, I have noticed lately, I am very lonely right now. I don’t feel like I have anyone in my life at this time, not really. I’m sure part of these feelings are coming from the fact that my husband is working nights, and I’m working days, and when I leave in the morning, I say “see you tomorrow” 3 days out of the week. These 3 days are filled with running around, extracurricular activities for the kids, and such. The other 2 nights are busy as well; I make him dinner and take it to him so we can spend a bit of time together. This is only part of it, though. I recently lost my best friend in a “fight, argument, difference of opinion”, or what have you. It was silly, I suppose, but I guess I cared a bit too much and she not enough. The sad thing is, I don’t really know if she could have been considered my best friend. Doesn’t everybody have that one person they can tell anything and everything to? I don’t have that in anybody. Not her; not even my husband.
I can’t really talk to my husband; we sort of just co-exist peacefully. There’s something about us; I don’t know what it is, but we can’t seem to communicate well. We’ve been married for 9 years (in February), and we were together for 1.5 years before that. And we have had our terrible bouts of downs. I mean, I guess we’ve had our ups, too; but from where I’m standing, the downs seem more down than the ups were up. So, we’ve had our share of problems, and we’ve had our talks through them. And they are so frustrating. I honestly, at this point, don’t even know if it’s me or him. I’ve somehow been able to make myself clear to others, though I will admit to having the problem of thinking faster than I can speak (or write), and sometimes I don’t make sense in what I’m trying to say. But, we just don’t “get” each other easily. Everything is such a struggle; honestly. He says that my problem is that whatever my initial impression of his words was, whether it’s right or not, sticks with me and I can’t get passed it. My problem is, he says something, and then later on he will change it; either it wasn’t what he meant or it came out wrong, and then I’m all confused about what we are talking about anymore. This happens practically every time we have any meaningful conversation. And we’ll do the thing where we swear to be honest with each other, and tell what our problems are and whatever is bothering us, and somehow, at the end of my talk, I have to apologize to him for bringing it up, because I’ve somehow made him feel inadequate, or like he’s not good enough for me. This is never my intention going into the conversation; I think a lot of this stems from our serious “downs”; his own insecurities in those issues.
So, people ask me frequently if my husband is my best friend, and sadly, I have to say no, because I am so careful with him about what I say or my reaction in a situation is or other such nonsense, and I think this mainly comes from me wanting to be a peacemaker; sort of. I don’t like “pretending” or lying, but I also want to avoid confrontation. So, I will hide certain things to prevent any sort of difficult discussions.
So, I was talking to this girl today, and she was talking about another person, and she said “they don’t live in the same reality as everyone else” and I said “does anyone live in the same reality as everyone else?” So, I’m wondering if my feelings of loneliness are silly, in that I’m wanting more of something but not sure what? What if the relationships I have are fulfilling enough, and I’m ruining them with my unhappiness and my wanting more? The girl I was talking to, she’s a coworker. I really like her; she’s a friend on MySpace, and I’ve watched her dog for her, and loaned her movies, and she’s bought me coffee. But we don’t do anything outside of work together. I don’t with anybody. And sometimes, I wonder if there is something wrong with me because of that. I see all these other people, and I SEE how they are accepted in ways that I am not, not just coworker, but friend. I am often left wondering what is wrong with me; why is it so hard to make friends for me? Someone the other day suggested that maybe I was picky. LOL. I don’t really think that’s it. There are plenty of people I’m attracted to making friends with, but I guess I am not that interesting of a person to be sought out; and I am completely socially inept. I don’t know many ways of drawing someone out without coming on too strong, or appearing like a psycho or desperate or something; so when those pitiful attempts fail, I can do nothing but sit and wait in the background, hoping to be noticed, or hope for someone else to come by.
I don’t believe I’m a difficult person to get along with; I’m fairly quiet for the most part. I can be a good listener, I can come up with anecdotal stories for some things, and I am a very open person. One thing I strive for in my personality is to be nonjudgmental. I haven’t yet found an easy way to explain this, but I feel like an empty slate; I don’t have strong opinions on everything, so I like to hear about others’ opinions so I can draw my own from theirs. When I do have opinions about something; I don’t know, I don’t know how I come off, maybe too strong, but I’m not one of those people who will slam others for not agreeing with me or having a different set of opinions. Things are just too fluid to me; things are very rarely simply black and white. I could never be a debater; I can so often see both sides of everything; not only see both sides, but even somewhat agree to both, as well. LOL.
I’ve joined a few online forums to maybe help with my loneliness, but that can only go so far; I’m not really a very outgoing person, and that in and of itself is enough for me to get lost in the masses. And then there are those that I think I have connected with, but it’s very likely that’s only in my own head. Not to mention it’s hard to make yourself clear over forum/email/writing. So, here I float in cyberspace, and real space, just wanting something; to be noticed, liked, loved, connected to.
Most of the time, I don’t mind being alone. In fact, I revel in it. I usually feel smothered if I don’t get alone time. But, I have noticed lately, I am very lonely right now. I don’t feel like I have anyone in my life at this time, not really. I’m sure part of these feelings are coming from the fact that my husband is working nights, and I’m working days, and when I leave in the morning, I say “see you tomorrow” 3 days out of the week. These 3 days are filled with running around, extracurricular activities for the kids, and such. The other 2 nights are busy as well; I make him dinner and take it to him so we can spend a bit of time together. This is only part of it, though. I recently lost my best friend in a “fight, argument, difference of opinion”, or what have you. It was silly, I suppose, but I guess I cared a bit too much and she not enough. The sad thing is, I don’t really know if she could have been considered my best friend. Doesn’t everybody have that one person they can tell anything and everything to? I don’t have that in anybody. Not her; not even my husband.
I can’t really talk to my husband; we sort of just co-exist peacefully. There’s something about us; I don’t know what it is, but we can’t seem to communicate well. We’ve been married for 9 years (in February), and we were together for 1.5 years before that. And we have had our terrible bouts of downs. I mean, I guess we’ve had our ups, too; but from where I’m standing, the downs seem more down than the ups were up. So, we’ve had our share of problems, and we’ve had our talks through them. And they are so frustrating. I honestly, at this point, don’t even know if it’s me or him. I’ve somehow been able to make myself clear to others, though I will admit to having the problem of thinking faster than I can speak (or write), and sometimes I don’t make sense in what I’m trying to say. But, we just don’t “get” each other easily. Everything is such a struggle; honestly. He says that my problem is that whatever my initial impression of his words was, whether it’s right or not, sticks with me and I can’t get passed it. My problem is, he says something, and then later on he will change it; either it wasn’t what he meant or it came out wrong, and then I’m all confused about what we are talking about anymore. This happens practically every time we have any meaningful conversation. And we’ll do the thing where we swear to be honest with each other, and tell what our problems are and whatever is bothering us, and somehow, at the end of my talk, I have to apologize to him for bringing it up, because I’ve somehow made him feel inadequate, or like he’s not good enough for me. This is never my intention going into the conversation; I think a lot of this stems from our serious “downs”; his own insecurities in those issues.
So, people ask me frequently if my husband is my best friend, and sadly, I have to say no, because I am so careful with him about what I say or my reaction in a situation is or other such nonsense, and I think this mainly comes from me wanting to be a peacemaker; sort of. I don’t like “pretending” or lying, but I also want to avoid confrontation. So, I will hide certain things to prevent any sort of difficult discussions.
So, I was talking to this girl today, and she was talking about another person, and she said “they don’t live in the same reality as everyone else” and I said “does anyone live in the same reality as everyone else?” So, I’m wondering if my feelings of loneliness are silly, in that I’m wanting more of something but not sure what? What if the relationships I have are fulfilling enough, and I’m ruining them with my unhappiness and my wanting more? The girl I was talking to, she’s a coworker. I really like her; she’s a friend on MySpace, and I’ve watched her dog for her, and loaned her movies, and she’s bought me coffee. But we don’t do anything outside of work together. I don’t with anybody. And sometimes, I wonder if there is something wrong with me because of that. I see all these other people, and I SEE how they are accepted in ways that I am not, not just coworker, but friend. I am often left wondering what is wrong with me; why is it so hard to make friends for me? Someone the other day suggested that maybe I was picky. LOL. I don’t really think that’s it. There are plenty of people I’m attracted to making friends with, but I guess I am not that interesting of a person to be sought out; and I am completely socially inept. I don’t know many ways of drawing someone out without coming on too strong, or appearing like a psycho or desperate or something; so when those pitiful attempts fail, I can do nothing but sit and wait in the background, hoping to be noticed, or hope for someone else to come by.
I don’t believe I’m a difficult person to get along with; I’m fairly quiet for the most part. I can be a good listener, I can come up with anecdotal stories for some things, and I am a very open person. One thing I strive for in my personality is to be nonjudgmental. I haven’t yet found an easy way to explain this, but I feel like an empty slate; I don’t have strong opinions on everything, so I like to hear about others’ opinions so I can draw my own from theirs. When I do have opinions about something; I don’t know, I don’t know how I come off, maybe too strong, but I’m not one of those people who will slam others for not agreeing with me or having a different set of opinions. Things are just too fluid to me; things are very rarely simply black and white. I could never be a debater; I can so often see both sides of everything; not only see both sides, but even somewhat agree to both, as well. LOL.
I’ve joined a few online forums to maybe help with my loneliness, but that can only go so far; I’m not really a very outgoing person, and that in and of itself is enough for me to get lost in the masses. And then there are those that I think I have connected with, but it’s very likely that’s only in my own head. Not to mention it’s hard to make yourself clear over forum/email/writing. So, here I float in cyberspace, and real space, just wanting something; to be noticed, liked, loved, connected to.
Day 2
Ok, day 2. I did it today, dang it. LOL. I was determined to get it done, and it was the first thing I did today when I got home from work. Plus, it helps that I wasn't 40 minutes late, but... any way, I started with the beginner, and I did the warm up and the 2 sets. I didn't get "wore out", but I did get a bit shaky, and I'm sure I will be feeling it tomorrow. Do you know how long its been since I've worked out? No, never mind. I don't want to confess to that, lol.
For breakfast I had protein shake, lunch was tuna wraps again with romaine; snack was cheese and beef jerky, and dinner will be baked chicken and some spinach. Yum.
For breakfast I had protein shake, lunch was tuna wraps again with romaine; snack was cheese and beef jerky, and dinner will be baked chicken and some spinach. Yum.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
End of day 1
Day 1 under my belt.
I don't even know what to post, either, I guess I'll just post what I'm eating and doing, and any comments are welcome.
So, a little bit about me, first, since this is sort of my first post. I'm 28, I'm married, will be 9 years Feb 27; I have 2 kids, girl who will be 8 in March, and boy who turned 6 in September. I work 2 jobs on top of all that; by day, I am a vet tech at a local veterinary clinic; by night, I am a tutor/housekeeper/chef/mom/wife/medical transcriptionist at home. And I rarely have free time to myself. My work at home is punctuated in the mornings by getting kids ready for school, breakfast, and getting myself ready for other job; at night, it is punctuated by coming home from school, homework, dinner, getting ready for bed and school/work the next day. My husband works nights for now, so the nights that don't have the added stress of kiddos extracurriculars, I am taking hubby dinner. So, needless to say, I sort of have a schedule down, otherwise things wouldn't work.
So, today, when I arrived home 40 minutes late from my first job, I barely had time to change clothes before the kids got home and I was to begin my second/third jobs. We did homework, baths, dinner, took dinner to dad, and I also worked. I hate to say it, but I want to be totally honest on here, and I didn't get a workout in. And I hate to use the excuse, I didn't have time, because I maybe could have squeezed something in during that time I was sitting doing nothing, getting ready to transition myself from one task to another. But, I will not spend any of my time beating myself up that I failed or that I wasn't able to do it right or anything like that. I'm human, this is my LIFE, not just some drastic temporary change, so setbacks are going to happen. I just REALLY hate that it happened on day 1.
So, breakfast was a protein shake, snack was a mixture of cheese and nuts, lunch was tuna salad wrapped in romaine lettuce, and dinner was balsamic glazed Mahi-Mahi with garlic broccoli. I really want some hot chocolate right now (my weakness), but I still have to get myself in the shower, and go to bed before I crash ;). See you all tomorrow.
I don't even know what to post, either, I guess I'll just post what I'm eating and doing, and any comments are welcome.
So, a little bit about me, first, since this is sort of my first post. I'm 28, I'm married, will be 9 years Feb 27; I have 2 kids, girl who will be 8 in March, and boy who turned 6 in September. I work 2 jobs on top of all that; by day, I am a vet tech at a local veterinary clinic; by night, I am a tutor/housekeeper/chef/mom/wife/medical transcriptionist at home. And I rarely have free time to myself. My work at home is punctuated in the mornings by getting kids ready for school, breakfast, and getting myself ready for other job; at night, it is punctuated by coming home from school, homework, dinner, getting ready for bed and school/work the next day. My husband works nights for now, so the nights that don't have the added stress of kiddos extracurriculars, I am taking hubby dinner. So, needless to say, I sort of have a schedule down, otherwise things wouldn't work.
So, today, when I arrived home 40 minutes late from my first job, I barely had time to change clothes before the kids got home and I was to begin my second/third jobs. We did homework, baths, dinner, took dinner to dad, and I also worked. I hate to say it, but I want to be totally honest on here, and I didn't get a workout in. And I hate to use the excuse, I didn't have time, because I maybe could have squeezed something in during that time I was sitting doing nothing, getting ready to transition myself from one task to another. But, I will not spend any of my time beating myself up that I failed or that I wasn't able to do it right or anything like that. I'm human, this is my LIFE, not just some drastic temporary change, so setbacks are going to happen. I just REALLY hate that it happened on day 1.
So, breakfast was a protein shake, snack was a mixture of cheese and nuts, lunch was tuna salad wrapped in romaine lettuce, and dinner was balsamic glazed Mahi-Mahi with garlic broccoli. I really want some hot chocolate right now (my weakness), but I still have to get myself in the shower, and go to bed before I crash ;). See you all tomorrow.
Day 1...
I'm sort of at a loss for what to do. Today is day 1 of my transformation contest; I was going to come home, immediately change clothes, and just get into it, no thinking about it, just do it. Well, I was 40 minutes late coming home, so the kids were here when I got here; I hate working out with people around. Also, there was an email and 2 voice mail messages from my second job, asking me to get on as soon as possible, because they are behind in work, and want me to do extra.
*sigh* This seems to always happen to me; its almost like the universe is just stacked against me working out, period. Honestly, the only way I see to get anything done, considering I'm busy 3 nights out of the week, is to get up early; I already get up at 530.
*sigh* This seems to always happen to me; its almost like the universe is just stacked against me working out, period. Honestly, the only way I see to get anything done, considering I'm busy 3 nights out of the week, is to get up early; I already get up at 530.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Transformation contest
OK. I can't even believe I'm doing this, but I might as well. This place is practically my second home, so why not, right? Besides, the more I put it out there, the more it will be returned, right?
I joined another forum; the Turbulence Training Forum. Right now, he is running a transformation contest; sort of body for life, a 12-week transformation contest. You post a picture of day 1, with a newspaper, and then keep a journal on the site, and use his exercises. That's it, that's all. So I'm doing it; even if I don't expect to win the contest, hoping the embarrassment of my pictures will be enough of a motivation for me to change them, instead of hide from them. SO, I figured if I'm posting embarrassing pictures over there, why not here, right? So, here are my stats/pics.
Height: 69 inches
Weight: 182.6
Waist: 32.5
Hips: 42
Thighs (L/R): 26/26
Calves (L/R): 16/16
Ankles (L/R): 9/9
Wrists (L/R): 6.5/6.5
Biceps (L/R): 12/12
Neck: 13
Chest: 41
Fat %: 34 (based on this website http://www.he.net/~zone/prothd2.html)
Please ignore the silly cat who has to be in the middle of everything.
I joined another forum; the Turbulence Training Forum. Right now, he is running a transformation contest; sort of body for life, a 12-week transformation contest. You post a picture of day 1, with a newspaper, and then keep a journal on the site, and use his exercises. That's it, that's all. So I'm doing it; even if I don't expect to win the contest, hoping the embarrassment of my pictures will be enough of a motivation for me to change them, instead of hide from them. SO, I figured if I'm posting embarrassing pictures over there, why not here, right? So, here are my stats/pics.
Height: 69 inches
Weight: 182.6
Waist: 32.5
Hips: 42
Thighs (L/R): 26/26
Calves (L/R): 16/16
Ankles (L/R): 9/9
Wrists (L/R): 6.5/6.5
Biceps (L/R): 12/12
Neck: 13
Chest: 41
Fat %: 34 (based on this website http://www.he.net/~zone/prothd2.html)
Please ignore the silly cat who has to be in the middle of everything.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Homework
HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:
Make a list of things that you can do INSTEAD of eat off plan when you are:
ANGRY:
Work-out; anything physical and strenuous to release tension. Clean.
SAD:
Write in journal, post a blog, make up a new story; snuggle with kitties
BORED:
Clean something, make up a new menu, research a new recipe, read a book
LONELY:
Read a book, snuggle a kitty, snuggle with kiddos, write in journal
HURT:
Write in journal, post a blog, snuggle with kitties, cry, clean something
Wow, lol, I am not very imaginiative
Make a list of things that you can do INSTEAD of eat off plan when you are:
ANGRY:
Work-out; anything physical and strenuous to release tension. Clean.
SAD:
Write in journal, post a blog, make up a new story; snuggle with kitties
BORED:
Clean something, make up a new menu, research a new recipe, read a book
LONELY:
Read a book, snuggle a kitty, snuggle with kiddos, write in journal
HURT:
Write in journal, post a blog, snuggle with kitties, cry, clean something
Wow, lol, I am not very imaginiative
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
A motivational email from today
This was a "motivational" email I got today; I wanted to share this, but didn't know the appropriate place where it would be best seen and used, so I'm sticking it here.
As many of my readers know, my family and I have travelled
extensively and regularly to Southeast Asia, and Thailand in
particular, to broaden our horizons whilst at the same time deepen
our family bond in beautiful and inspiring surroundings.
These times are always amongst my favourite times of the year, reminding me of what I work so hard for the rest of the time.
On one of my most recent trips, I took my family to the Chiang Mai
region in Northern Thailand, where mountains, jungle and amazing
rivers combine to create a fantastic backdrop of colours, sights and sounds.
A true feast for the senses!
While we were there, we took an elephant jungle trek tour that
allowed us an 'elephants' eye view of the jungle as we waded rivers, climbed hills and descended into deep valleys and gullies.
It was an amazing experience to see my children first fearful, then a little more relaxed and then outright excited and thrilled to be
privileged enough to share this experience with the largest land
mammal on the planet.
During one of our short stops to feed and reward the elephants with a handful of bananas and sugar cane, I noticed that the Mahout
(elephant handler) simply popped a small rope on a stick into the
ground and tied the elephant to it and walked off, leaving us on
the elephant alone.
As I looked at the stick I wondered what foolishness must be going
through this little man's mind.
I mean, here we were, sitting on a 5 ton hunk of muscle and pure power and the guy had hitched it to a thin rope and a stick no thicker than my thumb!
I fully expected the elephant to (in elephant-speak) laugh at this puny little thing, pull it out of the ground and walk off with my son Connor and I into the jungle never to be seen again.
But that didn't happen.
The elephant didn't walk off.
It didn't even TRY to pull the stick from the ground.
It stayed exactly where it was waiting to be 'released' from its bondage.
When I got back to the camp, I asked the mahout about this and he
explained a concept that had totally blown me away at the time, and
still does to this day.
He told me "We train the elephants when they are very young by using thicker ropes and heavy beams or tree trunks. When the young elephant pulls, it is pulling against an immovable object and so
soon tires and gives up.
Eventually, over a short time (and several smaller trees and sticks), the elephant stops pulling altogether, believing that the attempt is futile and will always end in failure.
It merely gives up."
As a performance coach I couldn't help thinking of many clients I'd
worked with who were doing exactly the same thing in their lives.
People who were trained when young about what was possible and what was not when they were too weak to pull against these ideas and
release themselves to being successful.
Now they're all grown up, they're like the elephant, unwilling to try because they're so sure it'll end in failure that they don't even bother.
Maybe you're even one of those people amanda?
I bet you've got many goals, dreams and aspirations that you have left by the wayside because some well-meaning friend or loved one told you 'would only end in heartache and failure, so why bother?'
Dreams that you thought were 'silly' or 'childish' or 'unrealistic'.
But what if they're not any of these things?
What if, just like this big, beautiful yet dumb creature you have been conditioned to believe something that is totally and utterly untrue?
What if, just like the elephant, you could literally rip up the chains that are holding you down and walk off into your own jungle of success and happiness...if only you had the courage to pull, and keep on pulling in order to bring about the things you want?
You can you know!
Many, many people who once led lives of total and utter desperation
now live lives that most of us would consider pure fantasy with houses, planes, boats, cars, money and above all, happiness that would never have been theirs if they hadn't 'pulled against the rope' that was telling them they couldn't possibly win.
You CAN, but will you?
Will you write that book that the small voice inside of you tells
you that no-one will ever read?
Will you take that trip to those places you always dreamed of but that your wallet tells you that you can't afford?
Will you lose that weight that your 'slow metabolism' insists won't
go?
Will you buy that house, start that business, learn that language.....?
Look amanda, I could go on all day, but in the end, when all's said
and done, it's you and ONLY you who can pull the stick from the
ground and break free.
No-one is going to do it for you.
No-one CAN do it for you.
You, and only you have the power to do this.
Start TODAY!
ACTION EXERCISE
Remember all those things you once put aside as silly and unrealistic?
I want you to access your memory banks, think hard and long and
compile a list of all the things you once wanted to do, or still want to do but gave up on because life got in the way.
Write down EVERYTHING!
Once you've done this, go back over your list.
Let your eyes stop on each thing for a few seconds and try to get a
feeling for which ones are 'calling you' the most. Which things
stir up the most desire? The most emotion? The most excitement?
Now comes the easy bit.
TAKE ONE STEP...
Take one single step toward achieving one of these goals.
If it's to take a luxury vacation, send off for the brochure.
If it's to buy a car, do the same or arrange for a test drive.
If it's to write a book, write a page.
It doesn't matter what it is, just take a step.
That step then becomes the first tug on the stick holding you in
position.
So what if the stick doesn't pull free yet? You tugged!
You started to take action. You believed (even if it was just a little bit) that you could, maybe, move on from your current circumstances.
Once you've done that...wow!
Once you've done that, all you need is another tiny step, then another, then another and before you know it, the stick is out of the ground and you're running free!
Go on, do it amanda!
Take a step, don't be a dumb elephant for a minute more.
To your success and happiness
Dax
As many of my readers know, my family and I have travelled
extensively and regularly to Southeast Asia, and Thailand in
particular, to broaden our horizons whilst at the same time deepen
our family bond in beautiful and inspiring surroundings.
These times are always amongst my favourite times of the year, reminding me of what I work so hard for the rest of the time.
On one of my most recent trips, I took my family to the Chiang Mai
region in Northern Thailand, where mountains, jungle and amazing
rivers combine to create a fantastic backdrop of colours, sights and sounds.
A true feast for the senses!
While we were there, we took an elephant jungle trek tour that
allowed us an 'elephants' eye view of the jungle as we waded rivers, climbed hills and descended into deep valleys and gullies.
It was an amazing experience to see my children first fearful, then a little more relaxed and then outright excited and thrilled to be
privileged enough to share this experience with the largest land
mammal on the planet.
During one of our short stops to feed and reward the elephants with a handful of bananas and sugar cane, I noticed that the Mahout
(elephant handler) simply popped a small rope on a stick into the
ground and tied the elephant to it and walked off, leaving us on
the elephant alone.
As I looked at the stick I wondered what foolishness must be going
through this little man's mind.
I mean, here we were, sitting on a 5 ton hunk of muscle and pure power and the guy had hitched it to a thin rope and a stick no thicker than my thumb!
I fully expected the elephant to (in elephant-speak) laugh at this puny little thing, pull it out of the ground and walk off with my son Connor and I into the jungle never to be seen again.
But that didn't happen.
The elephant didn't walk off.
It didn't even TRY to pull the stick from the ground.
It stayed exactly where it was waiting to be 'released' from its bondage.
When I got back to the camp, I asked the mahout about this and he
explained a concept that had totally blown me away at the time, and
still does to this day.
He told me "We train the elephants when they are very young by using thicker ropes and heavy beams or tree trunks. When the young elephant pulls, it is pulling against an immovable object and so
soon tires and gives up.
Eventually, over a short time (and several smaller trees and sticks), the elephant stops pulling altogether, believing that the attempt is futile and will always end in failure.
It merely gives up."
As a performance coach I couldn't help thinking of many clients I'd
worked with who were doing exactly the same thing in their lives.
People who were trained when young about what was possible and what was not when they were too weak to pull against these ideas and
release themselves to being successful.
Now they're all grown up, they're like the elephant, unwilling to try because they're so sure it'll end in failure that they don't even bother.
Maybe you're even one of those people amanda?
I bet you've got many goals, dreams and aspirations that you have left by the wayside because some well-meaning friend or loved one told you 'would only end in heartache and failure, so why bother?'
Dreams that you thought were 'silly' or 'childish' or 'unrealistic'.
But what if they're not any of these things?
What if, just like this big, beautiful yet dumb creature you have been conditioned to believe something that is totally and utterly untrue?
What if, just like the elephant, you could literally rip up the chains that are holding you down and walk off into your own jungle of success and happiness...if only you had the courage to pull, and keep on pulling in order to bring about the things you want?
You can you know!
Many, many people who once led lives of total and utter desperation
now live lives that most of us would consider pure fantasy with houses, planes, boats, cars, money and above all, happiness that would never have been theirs if they hadn't 'pulled against the rope' that was telling them they couldn't possibly win.
You CAN, but will you?
Will you write that book that the small voice inside of you tells
you that no-one will ever read?
Will you take that trip to those places you always dreamed of but that your wallet tells you that you can't afford?
Will you lose that weight that your 'slow metabolism' insists won't
go?
Will you buy that house, start that business, learn that language.....?
Look amanda, I could go on all day, but in the end, when all's said
and done, it's you and ONLY you who can pull the stick from the
ground and break free.
No-one is going to do it for you.
No-one CAN do it for you.
You, and only you have the power to do this.
Start TODAY!
ACTION EXERCISE
Remember all those things you once put aside as silly and unrealistic?
I want you to access your memory banks, think hard and long and
compile a list of all the things you once wanted to do, or still want to do but gave up on because life got in the way.
Write down EVERYTHING!
Once you've done this, go back over your list.
Let your eyes stop on each thing for a few seconds and try to get a
feeling for which ones are 'calling you' the most. Which things
stir up the most desire? The most emotion? The most excitement?
Now comes the easy bit.
TAKE ONE STEP...
Take one single step toward achieving one of these goals.
If it's to take a luxury vacation, send off for the brochure.
If it's to buy a car, do the same or arrange for a test drive.
If it's to write a book, write a page.
It doesn't matter what it is, just take a step.
That step then becomes the first tug on the stick holding you in
position.
So what if the stick doesn't pull free yet? You tugged!
You started to take action. You believed (even if it was just a little bit) that you could, maybe, move on from your current circumstances.
Once you've done that...wow!
Once you've done that, all you need is another tiny step, then another, then another and before you know it, the stick is out of the ground and you're running free!
Go on, do it amanda!
Take a step, don't be a dumb elephant for a minute more.
To your success and happiness
Dax
Monday, January 14, 2008
Start of week 2
Ah, ok. So, I screwed up this weekend. A little bit; I didn't like go crazy, I just chose the wrong things at the times of choosing. I'm not beating myself up over it; I realize and accept that under the circumstance of being on my period, and having other seriously stressful issues going on in our lives right now, I buckled under the pressure, and had hot chocolate instead of coffee, and instead of cooking food, we went out to eat, and I had a few carbs. My weight has not gone up, but I knew it wouldn't; if Kimkins has taught me anything is that I don't NEED the low-carb lifestyle to loose weight; I need the low-calories to lose weight. Being low-carb just helps me to not over-indulge or gorge on the food; it also helps with a bit of the appetite suppression. But my one week of doing good helped me not to over do it this weekend, and I'm still good; in fact, I was down 1 more this morning. So we are all good. I'm just making a confession ;)
Friday, January 11, 2008
End of week 1
Ok, this is the end of my week! Yayay, I did it, I stayed on, and I did good. Now, I'm having bad thoughts for tonight, though...need to get those out of my head. I WAS going to do a pot roast for dinner, but in order to do that, I needed to go to the grocery store for a few things; going to the grocery store here is such a production, its not hardly worth it unless your pantry is BARE, so of course, I didn't feel like fighting the crowds, and I didn't go. So, there goes my dinner plans. I still have to take hubby some dinner, and feed the kids of course, and I have an extra one tonight, so...looks like I'm leaning on the old standby...Pizza. And my lord, does that sound good. I need to, like, EAT before I go and get it, so there won't be room for it in my belly, but I'm supposed to be doing that fasting thing tonight....UGGH, I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't cave, not on day 5!! I need to tough this out a bit more. I'm down 7 lbs in the past 5 days; I still have 36 lbs to go; no time for Pizza!
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
My Silly ass dog
Ok, this is my crazy ass dog. He does this several times a day, every day. It doesn't matter how cold it is outside, this is what he does. It was videoed through the window, so its kind of blurry/fuzzy; I guess the camera didn't know what to focus on, the glass or outside of the glass.
My silly dog
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My silly dog
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Monday, January 7, 2008
Day 1, again
Ok, today is day 1 for me. I was going to start last week, but then my husband only worked half the week last week, still on second shift, and he was supposed to be put back on first shift for this week, and the kids were still home, and were supposed to go back to school this week, so I thought "It will be easier for me when my life gets back on schedule". I was talking to a friend the other day; I said I felt like I"m stuck in the middle of a river, and the current is dragging me around, and I have no control of where I am going. I don't like feeling this way. I don't like feeling like I'm doing all this stuff on autopilot cause it needs to be done, and then there's nothing left for what I want to do, like exercising. I spent last week preparing for this week; looking up recipes for what I can eat and stuff like that. I believe I am ready, lol.
The kids are off to school today, but unfortunately, the husband is still on second shift (which is 3pm-midnight) so dinner is going to be a bit difficult. And guess what else? I have plans to go out to eat for lunch with the girl from work who broke her leg (haven't seen her in a while). But, instead of giving up and pushing it to another week, I'm going to just go with it. This is my life, right? I make the choices here. Yeah, he's going to second shift, and its going to be difficult to make 2 dinners. I have a ton of chicken and fish and stuff to make and then save so that I only have to do it once, and then can just reheat for the rest of the week. And yeah, I'm going out to eat, but most likely where we are going will have fish and salad or veggies. I'll be ok. Promise wink.gif
So I started off this morning at 187, which is where I was last week. I woke up late this morning; I had a cup of coffee, but haven't eaten anything else yet, cause I'll be going to have lunch in about 30 mins. I will be having chicken for dinner, probably with salad or steamed veggies. and I plan on doing some yoga today. Will check back in later on to let it be known how it all worked out wink.gif
The kids are off to school today, but unfortunately, the husband is still on second shift (which is 3pm-midnight) so dinner is going to be a bit difficult. And guess what else? I have plans to go out to eat for lunch with the girl from work who broke her leg (haven't seen her in a while). But, instead of giving up and pushing it to another week, I'm going to just go with it. This is my life, right? I make the choices here. Yeah, he's going to second shift, and its going to be difficult to make 2 dinners. I have a ton of chicken and fish and stuff to make and then save so that I only have to do it once, and then can just reheat for the rest of the week. And yeah, I'm going out to eat, but most likely where we are going will have fish and salad or veggies. I'll be ok. Promise wink.gif
So I started off this morning at 187, which is where I was last week. I woke up late this morning; I had a cup of coffee, but haven't eaten anything else yet, cause I'll be going to have lunch in about 30 mins. I will be having chicken for dinner, probably with salad or steamed veggies. and I plan on doing some yoga today. Will check back in later on to let it be known how it all worked out wink.gif
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Update - Oh Crap
Update -
Well, here's an update on the lovely hot water leak situation. First of all, neither of us has ever lived on a slab, and my dad hasn't either. So, we didn't really know how exactly to go about doing this. So, we called a few people, one of them being the person who lived here before us, cause I remember walking in the kitchen once with them having a giant hole in the floor before. So, he told us what they did was listened to the floor, followed the pattern of hot water until they found the leak, listened, and then basically just busted up the concrete to find it. he says they have had 5 of these leaks to fix, and only once were they ever completely off by like 2 feet. So, you bust up the concrete, braise the pipes to fix them, and voila! Simple, right?
Ha. Everything is simple in theory. Its the actual doing of it that's not so simple.
I think we spent a good....4 hours looking for the leak. We turned the water on, tried to follow the sounds. Well, we couldn't HEAR anything, because we could hear it everywhere! We then let it sit in the hot water heater for a while so we could follow the heat. Every once in a while, he'd come ask my opinion of something, and of course me being me, I couldn't really tell anything. I mean, yeah, the floor got hot in the closet first. But, its pretty close to the hot water heater, so maybe it hasn't had time to spread yet??
I don't know how he finally determined it, but he made his decision of where to break the tiles and start drilling. And of course, all this is punctuated by breaks to Lowes to buy more tools. So, he gets started drilling about 430. This is such slow going. An hour later, he decided to get a bigger drill bit. An hour and a half later, we are rewarded with the sight and sound of gurgling water. YAY!! We hit it on our first try! Thank GOD!
Then, we come to the realization that what we found is a COLD water leak. Hmmm, weren't we looking for a hot water leak? He does all the usual checking, and yes, this is not a hot water leak, what we were looking for, this is a cold water leak. So now, we aren't sure if we found the right spot, or if this is just another leak we didn't know about.
He finished drilling a bit more, and after a while, he was able to stick his hand in there, have me turn on the hot water, and realize that YESS, this is where the hot water leak is, too!!
I don't even know how long he spent on this thing Saturday night, cause I'm a light weight and went to bed at 10:30. But he stayed up, finished drilling the hole in the concrete so that when he got up Saturday morning, all he needed to do was go to Lowes, buy the whatever whatever to fix it, and fix it. *SIGH*
So far, we're only out the cost of a few tools, but, how is that a bad thing for him, right? It hasn't been too bad, but we haven't had to buy the concrete or tiles to fix the floor, yet, so we will see.
So, he's gotten the tape stuff, whatever it's called, silicone, or whatever, to try to fix the pipes. That was a no-go, so he's going to have to braise them. In order to braise them, he's going to have to make the hole bigger, and that is such an ordeal. So, the plan, for now, is that I'm going to have a big ass hole in my kitchen floor for a week, until he can spend next weekend working on it.
And now, for your viewing pleasure, the destruction of my kitchen floor.
Well, here's an update on the lovely hot water leak situation. First of all, neither of us has ever lived on a slab, and my dad hasn't either. So, we didn't really know how exactly to go about doing this. So, we called a few people, one of them being the person who lived here before us, cause I remember walking in the kitchen once with them having a giant hole in the floor before. So, he told us what they did was listened to the floor, followed the pattern of hot water until they found the leak, listened, and then basically just busted up the concrete to find it. he says they have had 5 of these leaks to fix, and only once were they ever completely off by like 2 feet. So, you bust up the concrete, braise the pipes to fix them, and voila! Simple, right?
Ha. Everything is simple in theory. Its the actual doing of it that's not so simple.
I think we spent a good....4 hours looking for the leak. We turned the water on, tried to follow the sounds. Well, we couldn't HEAR anything, because we could hear it everywhere! We then let it sit in the hot water heater for a while so we could follow the heat. Every once in a while, he'd come ask my opinion of something, and of course me being me, I couldn't really tell anything. I mean, yeah, the floor got hot in the closet first. But, its pretty close to the hot water heater, so maybe it hasn't had time to spread yet??
I don't know how he finally determined it, but he made his decision of where to break the tiles and start drilling. And of course, all this is punctuated by breaks to Lowes to buy more tools. So, he gets started drilling about 430. This is such slow going. An hour later, he decided to get a bigger drill bit. An hour and a half later, we are rewarded with the sight and sound of gurgling water. YAY!! We hit it on our first try! Thank GOD!
Then, we come to the realization that what we found is a COLD water leak. Hmmm, weren't we looking for a hot water leak? He does all the usual checking, and yes, this is not a hot water leak, what we were looking for, this is a cold water leak. So now, we aren't sure if we found the right spot, or if this is just another leak we didn't know about.
He finished drilling a bit more, and after a while, he was able to stick his hand in there, have me turn on the hot water, and realize that YESS, this is where the hot water leak is, too!!
I don't even know how long he spent on this thing Saturday night, cause I'm a light weight and went to bed at 10:30. But he stayed up, finished drilling the hole in the concrete so that when he got up Saturday morning, all he needed to do was go to Lowes, buy the whatever whatever to fix it, and fix it. *SIGH*
So far, we're only out the cost of a few tools, but, how is that a bad thing for him, right? It hasn't been too bad, but we haven't had to buy the concrete or tiles to fix the floor, yet, so we will see.
So, he's gotten the tape stuff, whatever it's called, silicone, or whatever, to try to fix the pipes. That was a no-go, so he's going to have to braise them. In order to braise them, he's going to have to make the hole bigger, and that is such an ordeal. So, the plan, for now, is that I'm going to have a big ass hole in my kitchen floor for a week, until he can spend next weekend working on it.
And now, for your viewing pleasure, the destruction of my kitchen floor.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Well, Crap
Well, crap.
I mean, really. Is it too much to ask for a nice, normal, BORING life? I mean, dang it. It's something every day.
I've been stressed out about Christmas for the kids this year, we are really hurting, with both of our jobs. There seems to be some new drama at the clinic every day I go in there; Tuesday, Corrie fell and broke her leg, and we are all going to have to scramble to make up for her loss, yesterday we had the Sevo leak, and today I had to go to the EC for 3 hours for blood work, and now this.
I came home from the clinic early, cause quite frankly, we were dead. We had canceled all the surgery procedures because the machine was on the fritz, and we really just didn't have anything to do. So I come home, and change my clothes, and go to the bathroom, and I can hear water running in the pipes. So, I thought maybe the kids didn't shut off the water in the tub, or maybe the toilet in the other bathroom was running again. I check every faucet we have; all the ones outside, the washing machine, everything. Can't find where its coming from. Driving me CRAZY, cause it sounds like a lot of water. At first I thought it was the ice machine, but like I said, I couldn't pinpoint the location, because I could hear it in all the walls near the faucets. and it just continued on.
Then, later through the day, as I'm walking through my kitchen, its very odd; there are a few hot spots on the tile. Now, let me tell you; there is nothing like walking on a cold tile floor, and then coming across a warm one. So, I"m wandering around, tracing the pattern, trying to figure out WTH is going on.
Later, when the kids were taking a shower, they were complaining that there was no hot water in the shower. Oh, CRAP. I mean, dammit. really. So, I start wandering around, looking for the hot water heater, cause I didn't know where it was, and I finally found it. And I found the source of the noise of the water running. Its coming from the hot water heater.
No, the hot water heater didn't bust. We'd be better off if it had; then all we'd have to replace was the hot water heater. No, this is much, much worse...
So, after talking to my dad a bit, bouncing off ideas, trying to figure out what is going on, I went and had "lunch" with Jon, and told him about it. and he thinks that the hot water pipe leading to the washing machine busted somewhere. So, he wants me to check the meter when I get home. And, yeah, its spinning. Great, we've established we have a leak. WTF do I do about it running up my water and gas bill until we get it fixed??
I call my dad up, and talk to him about it. He wants to come into town to turn my water off (he lives an hour away, its already 830, I don't think so). I start talking outloud, trying to establish a few ideas. So, I start asking him if I can turn off the gas going to the hot water heater, cause I don't want 2 outrageously high bills this month. So, he tells me its ok to turn off the gas to the hot water heater, which I do, and can hear shutting off instantly. You wouldn't believe the heat coming off this thing at this point. So, I go sit back down, and I can still hear the water, and then I say, can I turn off the water TO the hot water, without turning off the water to the house? I figured that out, and it worked. No more rushing water through the pipes in the walls. But now, we have no hot water, and I have no freaking idea where that leak is. Surely, its under the slab somewhere, cause, you know, why not, right? Why not make it even more difficult for us. I don't even know how to begin to go about fixing that, and neither does my dad, which is a shocker; he's the know everything man.
So, yeah, I'm not looking very hopeful at Christmas at this point. Its not like we can chose, Christmas or hot water. This is something that is going to have to be fixed now, this weekend, or we are going to have to find somewhere else to take showers for a while.
And, needless to say, my diet is out the window tonight. With all this stress, I am drinking me some hot chocolate, and going to bed.
I mean, really. Is it too much to ask for a nice, normal, BORING life? I mean, dang it. It's something every day.
I've been stressed out about Christmas for the kids this year, we are really hurting, with both of our jobs. There seems to be some new drama at the clinic every day I go in there; Tuesday, Corrie fell and broke her leg, and we are all going to have to scramble to make up for her loss, yesterday we had the Sevo leak, and today I had to go to the EC for 3 hours for blood work, and now this.
I came home from the clinic early, cause quite frankly, we were dead. We had canceled all the surgery procedures because the machine was on the fritz, and we really just didn't have anything to do. So I come home, and change my clothes, and go to the bathroom, and I can hear water running in the pipes. So, I thought maybe the kids didn't shut off the water in the tub, or maybe the toilet in the other bathroom was running again. I check every faucet we have; all the ones outside, the washing machine, everything. Can't find where its coming from. Driving me CRAZY, cause it sounds like a lot of water. At first I thought it was the ice machine, but like I said, I couldn't pinpoint the location, because I could hear it in all the walls near the faucets. and it just continued on.
Then, later through the day, as I'm walking through my kitchen, its very odd; there are a few hot spots on the tile. Now, let me tell you; there is nothing like walking on a cold tile floor, and then coming across a warm one. So, I"m wandering around, tracing the pattern, trying to figure out WTH is going on.
Later, when the kids were taking a shower, they were complaining that there was no hot water in the shower. Oh, CRAP. I mean, dammit. really. So, I start wandering around, looking for the hot water heater, cause I didn't know where it was, and I finally found it. And I found the source of the noise of the water running. Its coming from the hot water heater.
No, the hot water heater didn't bust. We'd be better off if it had; then all we'd have to replace was the hot water heater. No, this is much, much worse...
So, after talking to my dad a bit, bouncing off ideas, trying to figure out what is going on, I went and had "lunch" with Jon, and told him about it. and he thinks that the hot water pipe leading to the washing machine busted somewhere. So, he wants me to check the meter when I get home. And, yeah, its spinning. Great, we've established we have a leak. WTF do I do about it running up my water and gas bill until we get it fixed??
I call my dad up, and talk to him about it. He wants to come into town to turn my water off (he lives an hour away, its already 830, I don't think so). I start talking outloud, trying to establish a few ideas. So, I start asking him if I can turn off the gas going to the hot water heater, cause I don't want 2 outrageously high bills this month. So, he tells me its ok to turn off the gas to the hot water heater, which I do, and can hear shutting off instantly. You wouldn't believe the heat coming off this thing at this point. So, I go sit back down, and I can still hear the water, and then I say, can I turn off the water TO the hot water, without turning off the water to the house? I figured that out, and it worked. No more rushing water through the pipes in the walls. But now, we have no hot water, and I have no freaking idea where that leak is. Surely, its under the slab somewhere, cause, you know, why not, right? Why not make it even more difficult for us. I don't even know how to begin to go about fixing that, and neither does my dad, which is a shocker; he's the know everything man.
So, yeah, I'm not looking very hopeful at Christmas at this point. Its not like we can chose, Christmas or hot water. This is something that is going to have to be fixed now, this weekend, or we are going to have to find somewhere else to take showers for a while.
And, needless to say, my diet is out the window tonight. With all this stress, I am drinking me some hot chocolate, and going to bed.
Wow. What a day already. I just got back from the clinic. Apparently, the anesthesia machine at work had a leak in it. We've been having problems for about 3 weeks now with patient's waking up almost immediately from their procedures, and yesterday, they found out it was leaking. So, EVERYONE from the clinic, for a liability thing, had to go to the emergency clinic down the road for an EKG and blood work. Man, oh man, was that a nice waste of 3 hrs this morning! And plus, since the anesthesia machine was down, we didn't have any surgeries to do. So, we were really dead. But, I did get to come home early, which I like.
My note from the universe this morning...
In virtually all person-to-person relationships, Amanda, disappointments can be lessened, setbacks can be regained, and little annoyances can be brushed off, when one stops and realizes that such relationships are always temporary.
Physically speaking.
Physically speaking.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Still day 3
So, I feel like a complete and utter loser. And not the good kind, the one that's losing. The kind that makes all the B choices, from Lyndyn's DT. I consciously made the choice to eat a bad dinner. I had a good hour to talk myself out of it, but I was so miserable all day. I didn't go overboard; I didn't eat chocolate, or candy, or ice cream, but I did eat something that I shouldn't have, and now I feel ... desolate, I suppose. Its just that feeling that I can't win this fight, this will always be me, because I can't even convince my own body that it doesn't need any of that stuff long enough to lose all this weight. And I know, I keep thinking about Daniela's words about how there are no "Cheat" meals, this has to be a way of life, and I know, that eating 2 pieces of pizza with the thinnest crust that could be hammered out without ripping is not the end of the world, but I still failed. I'm not quitting, I'm still going to get up tomorrow, eat my eggs and turkey sausage for breakie, eat my turkey burger for lunch, and my salmon for dinner. But it is still very disheartening to stumble so early in the game.
One thing I learned while doing kimkins was how easy it was, in the beginning, for me to lose; all I had to do was just eat the meat. And then, another thing I learned, as I lost more weight and became sort of comfortable in my skin for a moment, and started cheating, was that cheating, or eating carbs, doesn't really harm me all that much. I am not carb sensitive. Thats why I have been able to go the past 6 months without gaining; until the last month, in which I've gained 4 lbs above my ticker weight. Not bad for someone who ate like it was her last day on earth. And that is what I need when I go on a diet; I need to learn moderation. It honestly doesn't matter what I eat; as long as I don't gorge myself on whatever it is. But the low-carb way was easy for me to lose weight, and its easy not to gorge yourself on something when your practically sick of it anyway. Plus, the ketosis thing is a great appetite killer. So, the problem is, I know what I need to do. The question is, can I do it.
One thing I learned while doing kimkins was how easy it was, in the beginning, for me to lose; all I had to do was just eat the meat. And then, another thing I learned, as I lost more weight and became sort of comfortable in my skin for a moment, and started cheating, was that cheating, or eating carbs, doesn't really harm me all that much. I am not carb sensitive. Thats why I have been able to go the past 6 months without gaining; until the last month, in which I've gained 4 lbs above my ticker weight. Not bad for someone who ate like it was her last day on earth. And that is what I need when I go on a diet; I need to learn moderation. It honestly doesn't matter what I eat; as long as I don't gorge myself on whatever it is. But the low-carb way was easy for me to lose weight, and its easy not to gorge yourself on something when your practically sick of it anyway. Plus, the ketosis thing is a great appetite killer. So, the problem is, I know what I need to do. The question is, can I do it.
Day 3
Well, its day 3, and I'm feeling it. Man, oh, man, I need something to help me through this day. Day 3 and day 7 are the hardest for me; they are the days when my body, goes "Ok, this isn't funny anymore. Give me some damn chocolate!!" and I'm so weak, I really want some. I ate a HUGE breakfast; 2 turkey sausage patties (the homemade recipe) a low carb pancake, coffee, and then I mixed up some cream cheese with some pumpkin, then I ate some turkey meat, and my stomach is still rumbling around. I don't think I'm HUNGRY hungry, but my body is determined to get something good.
Yesterday afternoon was interesting; it was drawing on 12 oclock, and I was looking at the clock, going, UGH. Its time to eat, but I'm not interested. So I waited a while. I got really weak feeling, though, so had to force myself to eat something at 1, which made me feel a little better; I didn't eat it all, though. Guess I just need to stay busy; which is hard to do at home, you don't necessarily make yourself stay busy when your thoughts are filled with chocolate.
I've sort of picked back up on my writing, something I've always liked doing, and I've seem to have an abundance of ideas lately, so I'm trying to use that as a distraction today. at least I'm home to be able to work on it, but if I was at the clinic, I'd be too busy to think about food!
Yesterday afternoon was interesting; it was drawing on 12 oclock, and I was looking at the clock, going, UGH. Its time to eat, but I'm not interested. So I waited a while. I got really weak feeling, though, so had to force myself to eat something at 1, which made me feel a little better; I didn't eat it all, though. Guess I just need to stay busy; which is hard to do at home, you don't necessarily make yourself stay busy when your thoughts are filled with chocolate.
I've sort of picked back up on my writing, something I've always liked doing, and I've seem to have an abundance of ideas lately, so I'm trying to use that as a distraction today. at least I'm home to be able to work on it, but if I was at the clinic, I'd be too busy to think about food!
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Day 2
Well, exercise has been a bust for the last 2 days. Yesterday, I was so busy, running around; it always seems to take longer than I anticipate when doing stuff like that, so your running around crazy trying to get it all done. I got home from the plasma center, and typed up a story I had been working on; by then, it was time to take my daughter to dance, and then it was 7, and time for dinner, and I didn't even think about it ONCE! Ha.
Today, I had to work at the clinic, and boy, was today a rough day. I walked in to the new that my coworker, a girl that I went to high school with, was on her way to work, was taking her trash out of her house, walking down the sidewalk, when she slipped and fell (I"m assuming it was icy) down the stairs, and broke her leg. Well, obviously she wasn't coming in to work, and she equals like 3 of us, so we were all running around work today. Later on, we found out she had broken her femur in 2 places, spiral fractures, requiring surgery for pins and rods. Can you say, not coming to work for a while?? Wow. Everyone is stressed at the sudden loss of our best and most experienced pet nurse. We are all scrambling to make up her shifts, and so they are going to be pulling me in to work extra shifts.
So, needless to say, I am tired today, but I'm always tired after working the clinic. Its a lot of standing around and struggling with animals, trying to make them be still so we can stick a needle in their jugular and draw blood, and most of them outweigh my children. So, can I count that as a workout? 8 hours on my feet, practically nonstop? I mean, yeah, I had time to sit down and scarf down a bunless turkey burger, but man, does my back hurt after days like today.
And I'm making the kids dinner, and I just really really want a bite of that mac and cheese. Please, don't do it! I will regret it as soon as its all gone!!
Today, I had to work at the clinic, and boy, was today a rough day. I walked in to the new that my coworker, a girl that I went to high school with, was on her way to work, was taking her trash out of her house, walking down the sidewalk, when she slipped and fell (I"m assuming it was icy) down the stairs, and broke her leg. Well, obviously she wasn't coming in to work, and she equals like 3 of us, so we were all running around work today. Later on, we found out she had broken her femur in 2 places, spiral fractures, requiring surgery for pins and rods. Can you say, not coming to work for a while?? Wow. Everyone is stressed at the sudden loss of our best and most experienced pet nurse. We are all scrambling to make up her shifts, and so they are going to be pulling me in to work extra shifts.
So, needless to say, I am tired today, but I'm always tired after working the clinic. Its a lot of standing around and struggling with animals, trying to make them be still so we can stick a needle in their jugular and draw blood, and most of them outweigh my children. So, can I count that as a workout? 8 hours on my feet, practically nonstop? I mean, yeah, I had time to sit down and scarf down a bunless turkey burger, but man, does my back hurt after days like today.
And I'm making the kids dinner, and I just really really want a bite of that mac and cheese. Please, don't do it! I will regret it as soon as its all gone!!
Monday, December 3, 2007
Starting
Well, its monday. Looking forward to getting started, I'm already nervous. So very nervous that I'm going to fall off when I should stay on. I'm having my coffee now, will have turkey sausage and eggs for breakfast; salmon for lunch, and chicken chili for dinner. I have to take daughter to dance today, and also was planning on going to the plasma center to donate; we will see how that goes. I had also planned on doing weights today; only problem with that is the room the weights are in is not insulated, and we have the vents closed to it, because its a waste of energy; in the summer, we have a window AC unit, but nothing for the winter, yet. Its going to be cold in there, and I'm such a baby in the cold weather. I will really have to force myself to do it, or find a suitable replacement exercise that I can do in the living room, where its warm wink.gif
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