What is it?

Current mood: confused

What is love? What is it, exactly? Can it be explained? I'm not sure I could explain it. I can't explain how I feel, not just in love, but in many things; just feelings in general are hard for me to get out, to vocalize. Can you love someone you don't trust? I don't think so, but what do you call it when you "love" someone that you don't trust? Well, obviously you trust them a little bit, or you wouldn't still be there, but what is that? How do you know what you have isn't just "comfortableness" with someone? Is love really supposed to last forever? Are we all really meant to be with just one person forever and ever?

What about friendship? What defines a friendship? I know there are different "levels" of friendship, you can have a lot of friends, but not necessarily the same type of relationship with each one, but it works, right? And when it quits working, what, you just no longer have a friendship? Friendship is hard, I think. But, I think its harder to get started than to maintain. Unless the people are just completely changed from who they were when you were friends. And that will either draw you together or tear you apart. But, there's something going on, people aren't interested in making friends, you ever notice that? People are withdrawn, and friendly on the surface, but not really interested in learning more. Its like, once you reach a particular stage in your life, that's it, your done, not interested in making more friends. Why? Why would you be that way? Obviously, you'd have to have something in common, right? Age, social situation, kids, and most especially kids ages and male/female factors. Its common to make friends with someone because our kids are in the same class, or have dance together, they do something together, and they make friends, so you pretty much have to make friends. You have "playdates" outside of the social situation in which you were thrown together, and you get to know the other person, and the kids have a really good time, but then when school is over and out, or the thing that they have together is over, its like they fall off the face of the planet. Not interested in maintaining that friendship. Only interested in the first place because of their kid, because their kid expressed an interest in someone, and since they were going to see each other every day or once a week anyway, might as well let it happen, right? So what happens to make it not work pursuing anymore?

Friendship is a hard thing to build, in my mind. Its like, you have to be careful in the beginning, not to show too much of anything....not too much excitement, not too much negativity or definitely not too many problems or stress factors going on. You can't really be yourself, or I feel like I can't be. You have to have small talk, and let it build for a while; god help you if you overshare too soon... that's the best way to run someone off. For some reason. I don't know why. I feel like I could be a pretty good listener, even if I don't know you very well. I"m not saying I want a complete stranger to come up and tell me their life story, I hate that, especially when I'm like working at a check out counter, and that person is determined that I know everything there is to know about them before that transaction is completed. No, I don't mean that. I mean, someone you work with on a regular basis; if they have a "crisis" or something going on in their life, if they have good news or even bad news, why can't we share that? Because we're not friends? How do you know we couldn't be? Why the lack of interest from the get-go?

Do you ever feel drawn to someone? No particular reason, you just meet someone; say, at a birthday party for a kid in your kid's class. They are another mom and dad there with their kids. And you talk, just for a little while, but you realize in that setting, you wouldn't mind getting to know this person just a little bit more. Your "drawn" to them, I guess, I don't want to say attracted to them, but that's basically it. Why do you have those feelings about people you don't really know? Is it some sort of recognition of the soul that our brain doesn't understand? Did we know that soul before, and we recognize them spiritually, and try to reconnect? Is that just a "me" thing, no one else does that? I don't understand why things have to be so difficult, you know; why can't we just be ourselves from the beginning, and just leave it at that? I'm not a "social butterfly" by any means whatsoever, but I don't think I'm such a bad person. Not really. I can be negative, but who can't? I'm mostly quiet around people I don't know, at the same time wondering why they are so indrawn. I don't try to snub people, its just awkward sometimes. That doesn't mean I'm not interested, it mostly means I'm not sure how to act around people, because that's such a touchy thing. You only get to make the one impression, then after that, its done. They will never really forget the first thing they thought about you. and I don't really know what kind of impression I make. It must be bad