First Post ~ Explanation

Ok, so here's the deal. I have a few different places that I post "blogs" onto; MySpace, the DreamTeam, and Kimkins. Of all these places, I have lost about half of the posts (more on the dreamteam) that I have posted; I have seen a girl on Kimkins lose more than half of her entire 4 month weight loss journal; I would be devastated if that was me. Then I remembered that she had a blog, maybe here, maybe somewhere else, and she probably was keeping track of everything THERE that she had posted elsewhere. So, I'm going to take a page out of that book, and do the same. It saddens me to lose a post that I've done; I've posted on the dreamteam since september, and I have nothing beyond February on there right now. So, this first post is sort of an explanation of the purpose of this blog; the first few posts will be transfers from the other blogs, and then I will get started on here. Whatever I post elsewhere, I will have posted here, as well. This is probably not going to be seen by anyone; I don't really care. This is for me; an online journal for me to keep track of. Hell, it might be better if its personal only; then I can actually say what I think, and what I want to say, without worrying about who's reading it, and who's going to take it the wrong way, and what secret did I just reveal to whoever. Oh well, all in good time.

To reiterate...

This is a reiteration to myself, of my hopes and dreams and goals, why I am doing this, why its important to me to stay on track, no matter the circumstances of life getting in the way. I can't and won't use that as an excuse to stop me, or prevent me from getting the workout done. Life will always be there, that's not going to change. What needs to change is me, and my thought processes, and ...something. I have done this roller-coaster before a million times; I'm pretty much to the point in my life where I know what works and what doesn't. I know that being on a reduced carb/high protein diet works for me. I also know that a single "cheat" a week doesn't set me back. I also know that if I don't have my plan in place, I will fail. Something unexpected will come up, and due to my lack of foresight and planning, I will be reduced to fast food for dinner, and that's what gets me. Doing that several days in a row. So, I know I need to work on that; more leftovers to easily reheat, or more "simple, easy" meals - something that's fast on days like that, where I have 30 minutes between the time I get off work, feed the kids, and get them across town to basketball practice, or the same thing, 30 mins between the time I get off work, and have to meet up with my husband for dinner, where I'm bringing him his food. Those times are too easy for me to fall back on fast food, but I can't fall back on that several times a week; its counterproductive to my goals.

I don't necessarily have a set "weight" goal, per se; I'm shooting for about 145-150, but I'm more interested in fat loss, and looks; I want to look like an athlete. I don't care if I weight 170 lbs if I look like Laila Ali. I want a nice, firm, muscular, strong body, a body that gets me through the hard days at my physical job, but allows me to come home and do the things at home that are required of me; whether its cleaning, cooking, working out, or being with the kids; I don't want to come home and crash out on the couch because I am too wore out from working that day; too wore out to cook so I stick to fast food or reheated chicken strips and mac and cheese. I want to be strong and fit, so that work doesn't take up all of my life. I want to feel like I can do something outside of work, not feel like I'm spending my time outside of work recuperating from the job.

So, yeah, I want to look like an athlete; I understand. That means I have to train like an athlete. And I'm willing to work up to that. I recognize I can't do that starting off, and I can't get frustrated with myself for what I can and can't do. I can only improve, at this point, as long as I keep at it. And I need to remind myself on those days when I come home from a hard long very stressful day and just want to crash, I have things to do, and a life to live, and that's not going to get done while I just sit there, too tired to move.

Another Crazy Dog Moment

Here's more crazy dog stuff for ya...

Ok, my big dog, Asher, has this thing about people outside the fence, I don't know why, it drives him crazy, and in return, he does this really high pitched almost screaming bark. It bugs me to no end. Well, yesterday, after a really long day and a long week of working, I just came home and crashed. The kids were playing outside, and he was doing that squealing bark, and I just couldn't stand it anymore, so I put him on a leash and wrapped him around a pole for the additional 45 minutes they were outside so I didn't have to hear him doing that....This is the result of that time.

Another crazy dog moment

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I am so tired this morning. I worked a 12-hour shift yesterday, and then, for the second night in a row, I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and ended up lying there for an hour and a half, trying to go back to sleep. Its very frustrating to not be able to sleep when you are already so tired.

So, I'm working early this morning, so I will do my TT workout when I get home from work; then cook dinner, then go do my running around. For yesterday, I had protein shake for breakie, chicken chili for lunch, and stuffed portabello mushroom for dinner. Yum. Today, I will have the chicken chili again for lunch, and then salmon with possibly asparagus or broccoli for dinner.

Note from the Universe this morning

Ok, this cracked me up so much, I just had to share.

I've been getting these "notes from the Universe" to my email for a while now; maybe 8 months or so? I dunno. On the website for these notes, you can customize what gets sent to you, based on what your top goal is, or whatever, you know? Well, I initially had it set to "owning a house", cause that was what I really wanted. Well, we got our house, about 5 months ago, so I decided, after a while of getting the ones saying how I will get a house, lol, that I needed to change that. So I changed it to a sexy body, lol, cause that's what I want right now. Here's my note from today.


I've been thinking about your sexy, beautiful body, Amanda. Actually, I've been thinking about it A LOT. Even considering how it will affect other aspects of your life in wonderful, unforeseen ways. Sometimes (daily, to be honest), I even imagine you already own it. I vividly see you enjoying it; your heart racing, your friends talking, and your neighbors gawking. I can literally hear their ouuuhs and ahhhhhs, I can feel the high-fives, and I can taste the thrill of success on your lips.

How about you?

Hubba, hubba -
The Universe

So, working late at the clinic today, which is weird for me. I usually open and leave by 3; today I didn't go in until 11 and stayed till close (7ish). I was able to get up, fix my dinner, my lunch, do my workout, take a shower, get ready and go! today was a little hectic, hubby had planned overtime, so I needed someone to take my daughter to dance, but my sister came through for me. Went over to that girl's house after work and sat and chatted for about an hour; it was nice. Tomorrow is going to be stressful, I can feel it.

I actually almost had a disaster for lunch today, though. I was planning on making tuna salad to wrap up in romaine leaves; I had the leaves all washed up and packed up, and the veggies cut up that I put in my tuna salad, and then I scoured the pantry; could not find any tuna!! WHAT?! So, I figure, its ok, I'll go next door to work and get some there, so I went ahead and put in the sauce and all that for the salad, and then when I went next door to get the tuna, they didn't have it! They had the "lunch to go" kits with the crackers and the relish and the mayo packets, but that wasn't enough tuna, and I just wouldn't be able to throw away the crackers, lol. So, I bought some lunch meat and cheese, and was walking out of the store, and the girl who broke her leg was sitting there in her car, waiting on me lol (I'm the one who helps her in and out of her car when she comes to work). Because the day was so dead, she wasn't staying, but she needed me to follow her home to help her get out of her car there, since her parents were already gone. SHE HAD SOME TUNA, lol, and gave me some for lunch. So it ended up working out, even though I didn't think it was going to.

BTW, its hard to think up something on the fly for lunch that's low carb!

Day 1, week 2

I did some yoga yesterday; am unBELIEVEably sore today. I made myself a calendar to visualize the 84 days of this challenge, am marking each day as it goes, and listing what exercises I did. Last week I did only 2 (counting Monday as the beginning of the week) so I did 1 weights workout and 1 yoga workout. I have got to crack down this week, at least get in 2 weight workouts until I'm not getting as sore, and keep up on the yoga, wanting to do it on the "rest" in between days. Saturday is my day of complete planned rest; only because its the only day I'm so busy, I won't even be at home much, lol.

Week 1 down

Sunday is my day for measuring and weighing and all that, so I thought I'd go ahead and post all that on here before I got started with my day.

Height: 69 inches
Weight: 178.4
Waist: 31.5
Hips: 41
Thighs (L/R): 25.5/25
Calves (L/R): 15/15
Ankles (L/R): 9/9
Wrists (L/R): 6.5/6.5
Biceps (L/R): 12/12
Neck: 13
Chest: 40
Fat %: 31 (based on this website http://www.he.net/~zone/prothd2.html)

Job No more...

Well, I am no longer employed as a medical transcriptionst. It's very stressful right now, with the money issue; the good news is, I will be pulling in some serious overtime at the vet clinic for a while; we are short-handed 1 person, and then had another one quit yesterday. Wow. Also, another good thing, Jon is back on first, so I don't have to worry about kids as much anymore. Whew.

I was down another pound this morning. I slipped a bit yesterday, but I'm not beating myself up over it. I had a good week, and I had a stressful friday, so I took the easy way out and splurged a bit on dinner. But, I already know i"m not carb sensitive, so I know it doesn't really set me back; and also, I've seemed to notice that after I go a little while of being really low, sort or dragging and stalling, splurging or cheating or what have you seems to give me a boost,as long as I get right back on the wagon, and I start losing again.

Not doing so well on the workout standpoint, though. I only did one this week. I plan on doing yoga tomorrow morning before work, and then really hoping to bust it out this next week. I made a new friend, lol; I was talking to this girl at work about the contest I entered, and she encouraged one of her friends, who had joined a similar contest, to contact me, so we could sort of be support buddies. Things always seem to take an unexpected turn when you least expect it...

Loneliness

This is sort of long-winded; sometimes I get into moods to actually journal. Its kind of sad to me that I didn't really have anywhere to put this without worrying about who was going to see it, and the repercussions of that.

Most of the time, I don’t mind being alone. In fact, I revel in it. I usually feel smothered if I don’t get alone time. But, I have noticed lately, I am very lonely right now. I don’t feel like I have anyone in my life at this time, not really. I’m sure part of these feelings are coming from the fact that my husband is working nights, and I’m working days, and when I leave in the morning, I say “see you tomorrow” 3 days out of the week. These 3 days are filled with running around, extracurricular activities for the kids, and such. The other 2 nights are busy as well; I make him dinner and take it to him so we can spend a bit of time together. This is only part of it, though. I recently lost my best friend in a “fight, argument, difference of opinion”, or what have you. It was silly, I suppose, but I guess I cared a bit too much and she not enough. The sad thing is, I don’t really know if she could have been considered my best friend. Doesn’t everybody have that one person they can tell anything and everything to? I don’t have that in anybody. Not her; not even my husband.

I can’t really talk to my husband; we sort of just co-exist peacefully. There’s something about us; I don’t know what it is, but we can’t seem to communicate well. We’ve been married for 9 years (in February), and we were together for 1.5 years before that. And we have had our terrible bouts of downs. I mean, I guess we’ve had our ups, too; but from where I’m standing, the downs seem more down than the ups were up. So, we’ve had our share of problems, and we’ve had our talks through them. And they are so frustrating. I honestly, at this point, don’t even know if it’s me or him. I’ve somehow been able to make myself clear to others, though I will admit to having the problem of thinking faster than I can speak (or write), and sometimes I don’t make sense in what I’m trying to say. But, we just don’t “get” each other easily. Everything is such a struggle; honestly. He says that my problem is that whatever my initial impression of his words was, whether it’s right or not, sticks with me and I can’t get passed it. My problem is, he says something, and then later on he will change it; either it wasn’t what he meant or it came out wrong, and then I’m all confused about what we are talking about anymore. This happens practically every time we have any meaningful conversation. And we’ll do the thing where we swear to be honest with each other, and tell what our problems are and whatever is bothering us, and somehow, at the end of my talk, I have to apologize to him for bringing it up, because I’ve somehow made him feel inadequate, or like he’s not good enough for me. This is never my intention going into the conversation; I think a lot of this stems from our serious “downs”; his own insecurities in those issues.

So, people ask me frequently if my husband is my best friend, and sadly, I have to say no, because I am so careful with him about what I say or my reaction in a situation is or other such nonsense, and I think this mainly comes from me wanting to be a peacemaker; sort of. I don’t like “pretending” or lying, but I also want to avoid confrontation. So, I will hide certain things to prevent any sort of difficult discussions.

So, I was talking to this girl today, and she was talking about another person, and she said “they don’t live in the same reality as everyone else” and I said “does anyone live in the same reality as everyone else?” So, I’m wondering if my feelings of loneliness are silly, in that I’m wanting more of something but not sure what? What if the relationships I have are fulfilling enough, and I’m ruining them with my unhappiness and my wanting more? The girl I was talking to, she’s a coworker. I really like her; she’s a friend on MySpace, and I’ve watched her dog for her, and loaned her movies, and she’s bought me coffee. But we don’t do anything outside of work together. I don’t with anybody. And sometimes, I wonder if there is something wrong with me because of that. I see all these other people, and I SEE how they are accepted in ways that I am not, not just coworker, but friend. I am often left wondering what is wrong with me; why is it so hard to make friends for me? Someone the other day suggested that maybe I was picky. LOL. I don’t really think that’s it. There are plenty of people I’m attracted to making friends with, but I guess I am not that interesting of a person to be sought out; and I am completely socially inept. I don’t know many ways of drawing someone out without coming on too strong, or appearing like a psycho or desperate or something; so when those pitiful attempts fail, I can do nothing but sit and wait in the background, hoping to be noticed, or hope for someone else to come by.

I don’t believe I’m a difficult person to get along with; I’m fairly quiet for the most part. I can be a good listener, I can come up with anecdotal stories for some things, and I am a very open person. One thing I strive for in my personality is to be nonjudgmental. I haven’t yet found an easy way to explain this, but I feel like an empty slate; I don’t have strong opinions on everything, so I like to hear about others’ opinions so I can draw my own from theirs. When I do have opinions about something; I don’t know, I don’t know how I come off, maybe too strong, but I’m not one of those people who will slam others for not agreeing with me or having a different set of opinions. Things are just too fluid to me; things are very rarely simply black and white. I could never be a debater; I can so often see both sides of everything; not only see both sides, but even somewhat agree to both, as well. LOL.

I’ve joined a few online forums to maybe help with my loneliness, but that can only go so far; I’m not really a very outgoing person, and that in and of itself is enough for me to get lost in the masses. And then there are those that I think I have connected with, but it’s very likely that’s only in my own head. Not to mention it’s hard to make yourself clear over forum/email/writing. So, here I float in cyberspace, and real space, just wanting something; to be noticed, liked, loved, connected to.

Day 2

Ok, day 2. I did it today, dang it. LOL. I was determined to get it done, and it was the first thing I did today when I got home from work. Plus, it helps that I wasn't 40 minutes late, but... any way, I started with the beginner, and I did the warm up and the 2 sets. I didn't get "wore out", but I did get a bit shaky, and I'm sure I will be feeling it tomorrow. Do you know how long its been since I've worked out? No, never mind. I don't want to confess to that, lol.

For breakfast I had protein shake, lunch was tuna wraps again with romaine; snack was cheese and beef jerky, and dinner will be baked chicken and some spinach. Yum.

End of day 1

Day 1 under my belt.

I don't even know what to post, either, I guess I'll just post what I'm eating and doing, and any comments are welcome.

So, a little bit about me, first, since this is sort of my first post. I'm 28, I'm married, will be 9 years Feb 27; I have 2 kids, girl who will be 8 in March, and boy who turned 6 in September. I work 2 jobs on top of all that; by day, I am a vet tech at a local veterinary clinic; by night, I am a tutor/housekeeper/chef/mom/wife/medical transcriptionist at home. And I rarely have free time to myself. My work at home is punctuated in the mornings by getting kids ready for school, breakfast, and getting myself ready for other job; at night, it is punctuated by coming home from school, homework, dinner, getting ready for bed and school/work the next day. My husband works nights for now, so the nights that don't have the added stress of kiddos extracurriculars, I am taking hubby dinner. So, needless to say, I sort of have a schedule down, otherwise things wouldn't work.

So, today, when I arrived home 40 minutes late from my first job, I barely had time to change clothes before the kids got home and I was to begin my second/third jobs. We did homework, baths, dinner, took dinner to dad, and I also worked. I hate to say it, but I want to be totally honest on here, and I didn't get a workout in. And I hate to use the excuse, I didn't have time, because I maybe could have squeezed something in during that time I was sitting doing nothing, getting ready to transition myself from one task to another. But, I will not spend any of my time beating myself up that I failed or that I wasn't able to do it right or anything like that. I'm human, this is my LIFE, not just some drastic temporary change, so setbacks are going to happen. I just REALLY hate that it happened on day 1.

So, breakfast was a protein shake, snack was a mixture of cheese and nuts, lunch was tuna salad wrapped in romaine lettuce, and dinner was balsamic glazed Mahi-Mahi with garlic broccoli. I really want some hot chocolate right now (my weakness), but I still have to get myself in the shower, and go to bed before I crash ;). See you all tomorrow.

Day 1...

I'm sort of at a loss for what to do. Today is day 1 of my transformation contest; I was going to come home, immediately change clothes, and just get into it, no thinking about it, just do it. Well, I was 40 minutes late coming home, so the kids were here when I got here; I hate working out with people around. Also, there was an email and 2 voice mail messages from my second job, asking me to get on as soon as possible, because they are behind in work, and want me to do extra.

*sigh* This seems to always happen to me; its almost like the universe is just stacked against me working out, period. Honestly, the only way I see to get anything done, considering I'm busy 3 nights out of the week, is to get up early; I already get up at 530.

Transformation contest

OK. I can't even believe I'm doing this, but I might as well. This place is practically my second home, so why not, right? Besides, the more I put it out there, the more it will be returned, right?

I joined another forum; the Turbulence Training Forum. Right now, he is running a transformation contest; sort of body for life, a 12-week transformation contest. You post a picture of day 1, with a newspaper, and then keep a journal on the site, and use his exercises. That's it, that's all. So I'm doing it; even if I don't expect to win the contest, hoping the embarrassment of my pictures will be enough of a motivation for me to change them, instead of hide from them. SO, I figured if I'm posting embarrassing pictures over there, why not here, right? So, here are my stats/pics.

Height: 69 inches
Weight: 182.6
Waist: 32.5
Hips: 42
Thighs (L/R): 26/26
Calves (L/R): 16/16
Ankles (L/R): 9/9
Wrists (L/R): 6.5/6.5
Biceps (L/R): 12/12
Neck: 13
Chest: 41
Fat %: 34 (based on this website http://www.he.net/~zone/prothd2.html)

Please ignore the silly cat who has to be in the middle of everything.

Homework

HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:

Make a list of things that you can do INSTEAD of eat off plan when you are:


ANGRY:
Work-out; anything physical and strenuous to release tension. Clean.



SAD:
Write in journal, post a blog, make up a new story; snuggle with kitties



BORED:
Clean something, make up a new menu, research a new recipe, read a book


LONELY:
Read a book, snuggle a kitty, snuggle with kiddos, write in journal


HURT:
Write in journal, post a blog, snuggle with kitties, cry, clean something

Wow, lol, I am not very imaginiative

A motivational email from today

This was a "motivational" email I got today; I wanted to share this, but didn't know the appropriate place where it would be best seen and used, so I'm sticking it here.

As many of my readers know, my family and I have travelled
extensively and regularly to Southeast Asia, and Thailand in
particular, to broaden our horizons whilst at the same time deepen
our family bond in beautiful and inspiring surroundings.

These times are always amongst my favourite times of the year, reminding me of what I work so hard for the rest of the time.

On one of my most recent trips, I took my family to the Chiang Mai
region in Northern Thailand, where mountains, jungle and amazing
rivers combine to create a fantastic backdrop of colours, sights and sounds.

A true feast for the senses!
While we were there, we took an elephant jungle trek tour that
allowed us an 'elephants' eye view of the jungle as we waded rivers, climbed hills and descended into deep valleys and gullies.

It was an amazing experience to see my children first fearful, then a little more relaxed and then outright excited and thrilled to be
privileged enough to share this experience with the largest land
mammal on the planet.
During one of our short stops to feed and reward the elephants with a handful of bananas and sugar cane, I noticed that the Mahout
(elephant handler) simply popped a small rope on a stick into the
ground and tied the elephant to it and walked off, leaving us on
the elephant alone.

As I looked at the stick I wondered what foolishness must be going
through this little man's mind.

I mean, here we were, sitting on a 5 ton hunk of muscle and pure power and the guy had hitched it to a thin rope and a stick no thicker than my thumb!

I fully expected the elephant to (in elephant-speak) laugh at this puny little thing, pull it out of the ground and walk off with my son Connor and I into the jungle never to be seen again.

But that didn't happen.

The elephant didn't walk off.

It didn't even TRY to pull the stick from the ground.

It stayed exactly where it was waiting to be 'released' from its bondage.

When I got back to the camp, I asked the mahout about this and he
explained a concept that had totally blown me away at the time, and
still does to this day.

He told me "We train the elephants when they are very young by using thicker ropes and heavy beams or tree trunks. When the young elephant pulls, it is pulling against an immovable object and so
soon tires and gives up.

Eventually, over a short time (and several smaller trees and sticks), the elephant stops pulling altogether, believing that the attempt is futile and will always end in failure.

It merely gives up."

As a performance coach I couldn't help thinking of many clients I'd
worked with who were doing exactly the same thing in their lives.

People who were trained when young about what was possible and what was not when they were too weak to pull against these ideas and
release themselves to being successful.

Now they're all grown up, they're like the elephant, unwilling to try because they're so sure it'll end in failure that they don't even bother.

Maybe you're even one of those people amanda?

I bet you've got many goals, dreams and aspirations that you have left by the wayside because some well-meaning friend or loved one told you 'would only end in heartache and failure, so why bother?'

Dreams that you thought were 'silly' or 'childish' or 'unrealistic'.

But what if they're not any of these things?

What if, just like this big, beautiful yet dumb creature you have been conditioned to believe something that is totally and utterly untrue?

What if, just like the elephant, you could literally rip up the chains that are holding you down and walk off into your own jungle of success and happiness...if only you had the courage to pull, and keep on pulling in order to bring about the things you want?

You can you know!

Many, many people who once led lives of total and utter desperation
now live lives that most of us would consider pure fantasy with houses, planes, boats, cars, money and above all, happiness that would never have been theirs if they hadn't 'pulled against the rope' that was telling them they couldn't possibly win.

You CAN, but will you?

Will you write that book that the small voice inside of you tells
you that no-one will ever read?

Will you take that trip to those places you always dreamed of but that your wallet tells you that you can't afford?

Will you lose that weight that your 'slow metabolism' insists won't
go?

Will you buy that house, start that business, learn that language.....?

Look amanda, I could go on all day, but in the end, when all's said
and done, it's you and ONLY you who can pull the stick from the
ground and break free.

No-one is going to do it for you.

No-one CAN do it for you.

You, and only you have the power to do this.

Start TODAY!


ACTION EXERCISE

Remember all those things you once put aside as silly and unrealistic?

I want you to access your memory banks, think hard and long and
compile a list of all the things you once wanted to do, or still want to do but gave up on because life got in the way.

Write down EVERYTHING!

Once you've done this, go back over your list.

Let your eyes stop on each thing for a few seconds and try to get a
feeling for which ones are 'calling you' the most. Which things
stir up the most desire? The most emotion? The most excitement?

Now comes the easy bit.

TAKE ONE STEP...

Take one single step toward achieving one of these goals.

If it's to take a luxury vacation, send off for the brochure.

If it's to buy a car, do the same or arrange for a test drive.

If it's to write a book, write a page.

It doesn't matter what it is, just take a step.

That step then becomes the first tug on the stick holding you in
position.

So what if the stick doesn't pull free yet? You tugged!

You started to take action. You believed (even if it was just a little bit) that you could, maybe, move on from your current circumstances.
Once you've done that...wow!

Once you've done that, all you need is another tiny step, then another, then another and before you know it, the stick is out of the ground and you're running free!

Go on, do it amanda!

Take a step, don't be a dumb elephant for a minute more.

To your success and happiness

Dax

Start of week 2

Ah, ok. So, I screwed up this weekend. A little bit; I didn't like go crazy, I just chose the wrong things at the times of choosing. I'm not beating myself up over it; I realize and accept that under the circumstance of being on my period, and having other seriously stressful issues going on in our lives right now, I buckled under the pressure, and had hot chocolate instead of coffee, and instead of cooking food, we went out to eat, and I had a few carbs. My weight has not gone up, but I knew it wouldn't; if Kimkins has taught me anything is that I don't NEED the low-carb lifestyle to loose weight; I need the low-calories to lose weight. Being low-carb just helps me to not over-indulge or gorge on the food; it also helps with a bit of the appetite suppression. But my one week of doing good helped me not to over do it this weekend, and I'm still good; in fact, I was down 1 more this morning. So we are all good. I'm just making a confession ;)

End of week 1

Ok, this is the end of my week! Yayay, I did it, I stayed on, and I did good. Now, I'm having bad thoughts for tonight, though...need to get those out of my head. I WAS going to do a pot roast for dinner, but in order to do that, I needed to go to the grocery store for a few things; going to the grocery store here is such a production, its not hardly worth it unless your pantry is BARE, so of course, I didn't feel like fighting the crowds, and I didn't go. So, there goes my dinner plans. I still have to take hubby some dinner, and feed the kids of course, and I have an extra one tonight, so...looks like I'm leaning on the old standby...Pizza. And my lord, does that sound good. I need to, like, EAT before I go and get it, so there won't be room for it in my belly, but I'm supposed to be doing that fasting thing tonight....UGGH, I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't cave, not on day 5!! I need to tough this out a bit more. I'm down 7 lbs in the past 5 days; I still have 36 lbs to go; no time for Pizza!

My Silly ass dog

Ok, this is my crazy ass dog. He does this several times a day, every day. It doesn't matter how cold it is outside, this is what he does. It was videoed through the window, so its kind of blurry/fuzzy; I guess the camera didn't know what to focus on, the glass or outside of the glass.

My silly dog

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Day 1, again

Ok, today is day 1 for me. I was going to start last week, but then my husband only worked half the week last week, still on second shift, and he was supposed to be put back on first shift for this week, and the kids were still home, and were supposed to go back to school this week, so I thought "It will be easier for me when my life gets back on schedule". I was talking to a friend the other day; I said I felt like I"m stuck in the middle of a river, and the current is dragging me around, and I have no control of where I am going. I don't like feeling this way. I don't like feeling like I'm doing all this stuff on autopilot cause it needs to be done, and then there's nothing left for what I want to do, like exercising. I spent last week preparing for this week; looking up recipes for what I can eat and stuff like that. I believe I am ready, lol.

The kids are off to school today, but unfortunately, the husband is still on second shift (which is 3pm-midnight) so dinner is going to be a bit difficult. And guess what else? I have plans to go out to eat for lunch with the girl from work who broke her leg (haven't seen her in a while). But, instead of giving up and pushing it to another week, I'm going to just go with it. This is my life, right? I make the choices here. Yeah, he's going to second shift, and its going to be difficult to make 2 dinners. I have a ton of chicken and fish and stuff to make and then save so that I only have to do it once, and then can just reheat for the rest of the week. And yeah, I'm going out to eat, but most likely where we are going will have fish and salad or veggies. I'll be ok. Promise wink.gif

So I started off this morning at 187, which is where I was last week. I woke up late this morning; I had a cup of coffee, but haven't eaten anything else yet, cause I'll be going to have lunch in about 30 mins. I will be having chicken for dinner, probably with salad or steamed veggies. and I plan on doing some yoga today. Will check back in later on to let it be known how it all worked out wink.gif