Checking in

It has been a high stress situation here, and all I had to say was mope, gripe, and complain, and I seemed to be putting people off with that, and I didn't want to risk losing you guys, so I kept my negative self away. LOL. I still posted in my blog, so your welcome to read the frustrations of the time, lol, but I just didn't want to drown you guys in it. We've been trying to buy a house, but the situation has been a big mess, they freak out about my pay, because its based on production, and then we had a glitch with the bank, and were in a negative balance for 2 weeks, which put everything to a screeching halt, and we actually thought we weren't going to be able to move forward, which was really scary; we thought we were going to be homeless come the end of july, because we had already put our notice in where we are renting. Well, we reevaluated some things, and we talked about it alot, alot alot, and we just couldn't think of what to do to help, to make it better, so I just let it go. I can't explain it other than that; I just gave it up. I didn't give up, I gave up the stress, the worry, and the scheming, plotting, and desperation for a plan. I just threw up my hands and said, you know, basically your will be done, whoever that may be. Whether God or the universe, I don't know, but its all the same. I just said, you know what, it will all work out, no matter what, even if its not what I want, it will be what needs to be at that moment, and nothing I do will fix it or change it or help it along, so just stop. So, everything seemed to fall into place; its been almost miraculous the turn around since I made that decision; almost like I was impeding any advancement with my internal struggles with the matter. So, I am officially declaring July 23 as my lucky day; yesterday, I went in for a job interview for a completely different job; this is what I've wanted to do my whole life practically; I was talked out of it by my mom and grandfather when I graduated high school and was about to start college, so I sort of spent the next 10 years floating in space, occupying but not really knowing what for. I did what I had to do; I went to school for the least amount of time, got my certificate as a transcriptionist and did that because it was the degree that needed the least amount of credit hours/classes based on what I had already taken. Yes, how sad is that. I decided to become a medical transcriptionist because it required the least amount of effort based on what I had already done at that point. And I'm fairly good at it, and can make good money. It has its ups and downs, its pros and cons, but I have been able to be home with my kids while they were growing up, doing this 4 years now, but I was still making money and contributing to the household in that way. I'm not happy; I can't tell you how long its been since I've been happy; sometimes I wonder if I've ever been. But it doesn't matter, does it? You have to do what you have to do, and work was what I needed to do, and there was no way I was going to go out and get a job making the kind of money I was making at transcription, so I was stuck. So I sort of had an epiphany of sorts about a month ago, something just clicked in me, and I went, OH, DUH!! I want to be a vet. For some reason, I had stricken from my thoughts after being told at 17 "try something else, its too hard, you won't last, its too expensive, it takes to long...." and whatever else they told me for a reason not to try. So, here I am, 10 years later, and I've pretty much come full circle; except now I have a family, and I cant just run off to college and sleep on a friend's floor, and live off of those $1 frozen dinner meals. I have to figure out a way to do this without hurting us; I mean, if anything, I need to make more, right? So, I thought I'd try my hand at getting a job in a vet's office, you know, make sure its what I really want before taking any plunges like school or quiting transcription and all that. I applied at 2 pet stores, and then I saw a sign at one of the pet stores for the vet office inside; they were hiring. Oh, I think I know somebody who works there, let me get in touch with her! Turns out she's now the director of nursing;that was pretty much the easiest job interview I've ever had. So, I got the job; I'm now officially a "pet nurse". And they don't care that I don't have experience; they are going to train me. I will learn to draw blood, and give shots, and eventually run the labs, and the xrays, and giving anesthetics, and all that jazz. And I am so pumped right now, OMG. If this is something that I really, truly enjoy, I could see taking correspondence courses to become a vet tech. I already found the school closest to me; I had already looked into it, but I didn't see it as an option before; but if I really like it, yeah, Its doable. The funny thing is, I wasn't even nervous one bit about this job interview!! I mean, I didn't know my friend was going to do it till I got there, but I turned in my application on Friday, and the front desk manager called me back in 1 hour. I couldn't believe it; I wasn't even home yet, they were already calling me back for an interview!! SO, yesterday, I go in for the interview, and I wasn't scared, I mean, I normally just stress myself out, and put it all on my stomach, and then my damn stomach is so messed up I can barely sit there comfortably, but I was fine yesterday, you know? I mean, if I got it, it was meant to be, right? ANd if I didn't, it wasn't and there was something else I needed to try to focus on, right? SO I go in, and its less like an interview and more like, OK, let me show you around, here fill out this paperwork, what size scrubs do you need? Here, go take the drug test. OMG, It was awesome. I did have to take a personality test first, and they said "if you fail it, because alot of people do for some reason, we can hire you on as an assistant pet nurse for the first month, and then you can try again". It was a personality test, you know "Are you more whimsical or introverted" stupid questions that have absolutely nothing to do with vet nursing. BUT I PASSED IT!! Oh, this is so awesome, can you tell I'm still excited about this?!? So, I start my new job next monday.

Oh, and what's the other thing? That made yesterday my lucky day? (Oh, damn I just thought about it; I should have bought a lottery ticket yesterday!!) Anyway, we are still in the process of buying this house, and I was waiting all day to hear from my mortgage guy, and I almost called him, but I knew that if he didn't call me, it was because he hadn't heard anything yet, so I just waited. So last night, I get home about 6, and he had sent me an email at 3; we are closing next Monday. L!@)#@*&!()@*$@)&%@*$&!)(*@# I'm so freaking excited right now, and I'm still holding my breathe, trying not to blow off that one feather that is keeping the scales tipped my way, but oh, man, am I just about to burst I am so excited.

Sorry this has been so long guys! Needless to say, with the stress in my life, I have not been following my plan. I pretty much "gave up", lol, about the first of june, it wasn't working for some reason, I couldn't get back on, my willpower was gone. But, I am still eating sensibly, even if I"m eating more carbs and "bad stuff' like ice cream, lol, but I just got on the scale the other day, and I was down another 7 lbs (I don't know in how long, I don't usually get on the scale anymore, cause I just figured I hadn't lost). So now I'm truly at the lowest weight I've been; I remember I weighed 150 when Jon and I met, and then I had no access to a scale until I got pregnant, and at that point, I was 170. I am 166 right now!!! YEEKE!! I want to start focusing on exercise again; I spent the last 3 months focused on nothing but eating, and its showing; even when I'm eating bad, I"m not gorging myself. Its so funny; yesterday, for lunch, I ate a turkey burger; its pretty much my "Staple" lunch here lately; put a sprinkle of cheese on top and 2 tablespoons of rotel, and that's what I have for lunch. I couldn't eat it all yesterday!! I had like, I don't know, maybe 3 or 4 bites left, and I just couldn't finish it, so I didn't. I didn't force myself. Well, come to find out, my husband had made them bigger this time around, LOL, so I guess technically I still ate the same amount as I normally do, lol, I just didn't know it . So, now that I seem to be on "autopilot" with my eating; even if its not all good eating, I am not forcing it all in my mouth when I don't want it, I need to focus on exercise. I can't tell you how I feel right now; my feet are constantly cramping, my hips are really really hurting, I was doing something the other day and realized how out of shape I've gotten, and I know that doing SOMETHING will make me feel better; I want to start with yoga, or pilates, and now that I have another job, I've really got to figure out a time to do it, because my body needs it. Not to mention I can't stand this flab, lol. There are a couple of areas that are just, oh man, I don't even know how to describe it. Its like, I look good with my clothes on, but.... yuck! Lol. Oh, well, I've had 2 kids in 2 years, and I know that was years ago, but I'm not going to be perfect. But I would like to see what the best me can be.

Sorry this has been such a book, if you've made it this far through it all, that means you truly care . I just wanted to let you know what was going on, and the reason I didn't feel I could post before.