Just for the record...

I am not a subtle person. Well, actually, to know whether or not I am capable of being subtle, you'd have to ask someone who knows me. I don't do very well judging my own capabilities. But, I don't pick up on subtleties too well. You have to flat out tell me whatever it is that you want me to know, no hinting, winking, elbowing, whatever. You can't say something that could mean 3 things, and expect me to understand which one you want me to get. Oh, I get it. I'm just not going to assume whichever one it is is you want me to get is the one you want me to get. I'd rather not put myself in that situation. So, I'll sit like an idiot, and either pretend I know what you mean, while keeping in mind all the options as to what you mean, and maybe figure it out later, or I'll completely act like I don't know what the hell your talking about, which usually frustrates the hell out of people.

I think that's part of the reason I prefer books to movies. There is so much left to understanding in movies; your supposed to get what that facial expression meant she was thinking, or what the guesture was that he made meant. In books, they flat out tell you what she was thinking, and what he meant.

At the same time, I'm probably going to assume the worst, whever it was that you said that could mean anything. I know, how very pessimistic of me; but hey, I consider myself a realist, and I go on what I've experienced before. This is in no way necessarily a reflection of you, just me. If I know you well enough, yeah, I can assume some stuff. But I'm not gonna; I'm not a mind reader, and that's what alot of it feels like; you want me to read your mind, and I'm not doing that.

Another thing I am going to assume, based on your actions and attitude towards me or life in general, is the kind of person you are, or your feelings towards/about me. Yes, I know, nobody likes me, everybody hates me, boo-hoo. Get over it. I have. I don't complain about it, I simply state it as a fact. I'm not looking for a best friend, so don't think that's what I want.

I sometimes think I can't or don't get across the kind of person that I think that I am; maybe the kind of person that I think that I am isn't the same kind of person that I portray myself to be. Is that wierd? lol. I may assume something, but I do not judge. That is one thing I strive to be; nonjudgemental. I like to listen to what other people think, and base my own thoughts and opinions on that; but I don't judge you for what you think is right or wrong. I like to think of myself as an independent person; I don't have a lot of friends, and that's ok. I don't necessarily want a lot of friends. I may not want to be your friend, either ;). But that doesn't mean that we can't be nice to each other.

Sometimes I think I'm an "old soul"... I can't think of another way to put it. Mature, I guess? I think silly things are stupid, and I can't be silly very often. I'm too serious, I guess, most of the time. I can have fun, but I don't necessarily think the stupid things that can get you in trouble so to speak are fun. So I usually get along better with people older than me than people my age. Its always been that way for me.

As if this wasn't a random enough entry for you. I find blogs to be great, in a confessional sort of way. Very cathartic. And in my case, I find that either nobody reads or nobody cares, so its almost like I can say anything I want, get it out in the open, so to speak, "relase it to the universe". I try to be a less negative person; I know the kind of person I want to be around is a positive person. I don't look for the negative in everything, I just find that what surrounds me doesn't have much positivity to it ;)