November, huh?

Wow, November 1st. Anyone else wondering where the hell October went? Last I checked, it was October 5th. That was pretty much when our life came to screeching halt almost around here. That was the day after my birthday. We went out to dinner for my birthday; mmmm, guacamole, margaritas, and kahlua cake!! Oh, I know, its so bad, I shouldn't have. Birthday's don't count, right? *sigh*

So, we come home from dinner, with the message on the answering machine from my husband's mom; she's crying, and pretty hysterical, we can't hardly understand her. We have to listen to it about 3-4 times to understand what she said. My husband's uncle, the man who raised him pretty much from the ages of 1-10, was in the hospital from a massive coronary.

So, I don't really want to go into a lot of detail about exactly what happened, but basically the whole story with the families fighting over the dead people's stuff; that was pretty much us. It was horrible, My husband's mom was horrible, and somehow, after we said let it go, we aren't going to worry about it anymore, it got drug out longer than it should have, it was a very stressful situation, we spent alot of days and nights crying and praying over the whole thing. I am hopeful that with a new month comes a new wave of emotion; I'm tired of my MySpace mood being stressed wink.gif

So, in other news, Halloween is the mosestest evilist holiday there is. I don't even want to talk about how much candy is in this house.

I'm so anxious to get back to working out, but it always seems like there is something to prevents me from doing it. I hurt my back last weekend, or I'll start my period, or I'll just be too tired from working my 2 jobs and having kids and a husband. Soccer for the kids is winding down finally, so that will be 2 days less of something to do during the week. But then, in January, basketball starts wink.gif

We are remodeling the house now; sort of. We are tearing down wallpaper and painting rooms. Its turned into more of an ordeal than I originally thought; the wallpaper is original paper, so when it was put on, they put it directly on the sheetrock; there is no paint underneath. Its very tedious work, pulling off paper, my hands and fingers really hurt wink.gif. But, we've bought all the paint already, and I'm anxious to see how the rooms will look when its finally done. We have big dreams and aspirations for the kitchen and bathrooms, but for now we will have to content ourselves with the painting only

I'm still having a hard time with myself. I'm trying so very hard to be positive, but I can't convince myself I'm worthy enough most times. I try to just, I don't know, fake it till I make it sort of thing, but I have so much self doubt, it doesn't take much for me to lose my momentum and go, what's the point, why bother? and this, sadly, applies to so many aspects of my life, from diet, exercise, trying to have better body confidence, trying to make new friends, trying to have a better outlook on life. Plus, I have all these questions, things I don't understand, I can't seem to find a way to ask them where I can get an honest, straight answer, without people looking at me like I'm insane for even thinking the questions wink.gif Like why are we attracted to who we are attracted to? LOL. There are just some things I am trying to understand, and maybe that's one of those "purpose of life" questions that doesn't really have an answer. It is what it is because it is. That's all.