Kathryn's Cheer Game

Kathryn's second football game was last night; it was Whitehouse against Kilgore, who are apparently their rivals, and I think it was also the first game to count towards district or whatever. So it was JAMM PACKED, and loud. I think we discovered, last Saturday at the Cheer clinic, that Kathryn didn't have what it takes to be a cheerleader; she doesn't like to be loud, or goofy, and she doesn't like to be around alot of loudness (....see if you can find the picture of her holding her ears). But at least we know, now, what to focus on for her !! She will have another Drill Team clinic in November, so look for pics of that !! These girls were also so jamm packed on the track, she didn't have much room for moving around and cheering, not that she was overly excited about it. I didn't get any video, but Jon did on the other camera, which is nearly impossible to transfer to the computer, so here are some pics !!

WOOOHOOOO!

I got a massage for my birthday!! And its not even my birthday yet!! Thank you Sharon, I love you!! This was exactly what I needed.

(And James, thank you, but I still hate you ;)-

Today

So tired of feeling like there is something wrong with me....

My IQ (A test)

Sunday at Six flags

Went to six flags on sunday, got a few pics....

First Soccer Game

Here are pics from the kids' first soccer game on Saturday; bright and early! They don't "keep score", but the kids know, and they did really good! Jonathan may have a future as goalie! Kathryn didn't get enough action in that spot to tell yet ;).

My Day

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!!!!












No, I don't especially feel better, but better let it out than hold it in and end up killing someone.

I'm back...

I know I've been away for quite a while. Things have been so hectic around here, and I hate that feeling. That feeling that I'm coasting through life, you know, letting life direct me instead of the other way around. I'm anxious to get back into the swing of things; I'm missing working out, I miss yoga, I miss weights, and I'm trying to get back into, I'm just having a hard time getting grounded, I'm letting things sway me off track. Yesterday was a no go, though I really wanted it. I'm going to plan on again today starting something, anything, just so long as I"m doing something and its on my terms, you know? Like I said, things have been a bit hectic around here. We've moved into a new house, which I think I've already told you guys about; do you remember about 6 months ago, on the previous forum, how that was my goal/dream for this year? That and to be out of debt, lol. Well, I got my house, and I remember how hard it was for me not to doubt, to trust, but I kept telling myself that if I believed it would go through, it would. And there were times, at least twice, when it looked like we weren't going to get it, but it happened, and I can't tell you how safe, I guess, I feel, being in my own home. Not having to worry about next year, where are we going to live, ever again. I'm home. I also started a new job; its part of the epiphany I had a few months ago; I was so tired of my current job, and I was totally unhappy, and I was envious of those people who enjoyed their work. I spent alot of time, at least the past 10 years, lol, trying to figure out what would make me happy? What kind of job could I do that I would enjoy doing? Well, I sort of remembered, which is a weird thing to say, I know, but I must have just been blocking it, or decided a while ago it wasn't going to happen, so I didn't let that thought enter my mind again, but when I was a girl I always wanted to be a vet. So I decided to try for a vet tech now, since I'm not exactly able to go to school to be a vet. I have a job at a vet clinic here in town, about 4 minutes from my new house, and I'm being trained to be a vet tech. And I really do love it. The only thing I don't love about it is the fact that I took a cut of about half in my pay, so I'm still having to work part time as a transcriptionist, hence my lack of time for me . I know, no more excuses.

I'm feeling very lonely lately, like I don't have any friends. It seems like the friends that I have are absent, and maybe that's my doing, I don't know, but I'm really looking for support, and I'm not finding any.

I was at soccer practice with my kids yesterday, and there was a lady there that we seem to run into all over the place; her husband and my husband work together, she has 3 kids, and the 2 youngest are the same ages as my 2, a boy and a girl, so I thought I would give her my number so maybe we could hang out sometime. She was playing soccer with her kids, and playing volleyball with some girl she didn't even know. This lady is 40, and she had more interest and energy in stuff like that than I do, and I am envious of that. I hope to be able to show interest and vitality at that age, but I don't even have that now, lol. My birthday is less than a month away, she's at least 10 years older than me, and I am envious of her energy.

I love all you guys, hopefully I'm still welcome here and hopefully you can all help me appropriately kick my butt into gear for what I want the most, to be a happy, healthy, active mom. Not to mention a hottie. .

What is it?

Current mood: confused

What is love? What is it, exactly? Can it be explained? I'm not sure I could explain it. I can't explain how I feel, not just in love, but in many things; just feelings in general are hard for me to get out, to vocalize. Can you love someone you don't trust? I don't think so, but what do you call it when you "love" someone that you don't trust? Well, obviously you trust them a little bit, or you wouldn't still be there, but what is that? How do you know what you have isn't just "comfortableness" with someone? Is love really supposed to last forever? Are we all really meant to be with just one person forever and ever?

What about friendship? What defines a friendship? I know there are different "levels" of friendship, you can have a lot of friends, but not necessarily the same type of relationship with each one, but it works, right? And when it quits working, what, you just no longer have a friendship? Friendship is hard, I think. But, I think its harder to get started than to maintain. Unless the people are just completely changed from who they were when you were friends. And that will either draw you together or tear you apart. But, there's something going on, people aren't interested in making friends, you ever notice that? People are withdrawn, and friendly on the surface, but not really interested in learning more. Its like, once you reach a particular stage in your life, that's it, your done, not interested in making more friends. Why? Why would you be that way? Obviously, you'd have to have something in common, right? Age, social situation, kids, and most especially kids ages and male/female factors. Its common to make friends with someone because our kids are in the same class, or have dance together, they do something together, and they make friends, so you pretty much have to make friends. You have "playdates" outside of the social situation in which you were thrown together, and you get to know the other person, and the kids have a really good time, but then when school is over and out, or the thing that they have together is over, its like they fall off the face of the planet. Not interested in maintaining that friendship. Only interested in the first place because of their kid, because their kid expressed an interest in someone, and since they were going to see each other every day or once a week anyway, might as well let it happen, right? So what happens to make it not work pursuing anymore?

Friendship is a hard thing to build, in my mind. Its like, you have to be careful in the beginning, not to show too much of anything....not too much excitement, not too much negativity or definitely not too many problems or stress factors going on. You can't really be yourself, or I feel like I can't be. You have to have small talk, and let it build for a while; god help you if you overshare too soon... that's the best way to run someone off. For some reason. I don't know why. I feel like I could be a pretty good listener, even if I don't know you very well. I"m not saying I want a complete stranger to come up and tell me their life story, I hate that, especially when I'm like working at a check out counter, and that person is determined that I know everything there is to know about them before that transaction is completed. No, I don't mean that. I mean, someone you work with on a regular basis; if they have a "crisis" or something going on in their life, if they have good news or even bad news, why can't we share that? Because we're not friends? How do you know we couldn't be? Why the lack of interest from the get-go?

Do you ever feel drawn to someone? No particular reason, you just meet someone; say, at a birthday party for a kid in your kid's class. They are another mom and dad there with their kids. And you talk, just for a little while, but you realize in that setting, you wouldn't mind getting to know this person just a little bit more. Your "drawn" to them, I guess, I don't want to say attracted to them, but that's basically it. Why do you have those feelings about people you don't really know? Is it some sort of recognition of the soul that our brain doesn't understand? Did we know that soul before, and we recognize them spiritually, and try to reconnect? Is that just a "me" thing, no one else does that? I don't understand why things have to be so difficult, you know; why can't we just be ourselves from the beginning, and just leave it at that? I'm not a "social butterfly" by any means whatsoever, but I don't think I'm such a bad person. Not really. I can be negative, but who can't? I'm mostly quiet around people I don't know, at the same time wondering why they are so indrawn. I don't try to snub people, its just awkward sometimes. That doesn't mean I'm not interested, it mostly means I'm not sure how to act around people, because that's such a touchy thing. You only get to make the one impression, then after that, its done. They will never really forget the first thing they thought about you. and I don't really know what kind of impression I make. It must be bad

My "Little lady"

Well, as most of you know, lol, because it's all I talked about since school started, Kathryn had her first football game yesterday!She is so stinking cute!(OMG, Corrie is wearing off on me, I can't believe I just said stinking cute! Ok, I get distracted).She got to make her own T-shirt, and she got to keep the pom-poms, and she got to do one of the most freaking coolest things ever for a little 7 year old girl who is into that stuff!! Here are some pics and videos of my "Little Lady"!!












She was out on the field for quite a while; at least 30 minutes.She stood there doing a little pom-pom shaking for a while, then the team ran out, then they did a "routine" to the school song ;).

Kathryn with team

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Kathryn Routine

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Kathryn Walking off field

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Jon's Birthday

Jon got to go to Vegas for his birthday!!!  Not really sure what he did there... guess that's part of, don't ask, don't tell, right?!?!

..

No apologies

Current mood: disappointed

So, my whole life I've basically felt like this huge disappointment to everybody and in everything. I try to be what is expected of me. But I'm freaking tired. I'm tired of trying really hard and failing. I'm tired of not even knowing what is expected of me, but still being a failure. I don't know what it is about me that attracts or turns people off of me; I don't know what kind of first impression I give out, but sometimes I truly think there is something wrong with me. I try to be more of a person that I feel is expected of me to be, but that is a failure, too. So, no more. Actually, no more caring on my part. I'm not apologizing for being me. Not anymore. I'm not a freaking mind reader, people. You want something, you tell me!! Don't assume I know what you expect of me! You have a problem with me, you tell me!! Or just back the fuck off. I'm tired of all this passive aggressive shit. I'm tired of assuming something is wrong from the way you act, and assuming what that something is, and then trying to fix it and failing anyway. So, either talk to me, or don't, but I'm not doing anything for you anymore. I'm just me. If you don't like me, you know where the door is.

Jonathan's party

Jonathan's party was on Saturday. He was at Chuck E. Cheese's. I swear, why don't we just all go in and let them play? They dont care about pizza, they don't care about cake, and they don't care about some dumb dancing mouse. It embarrased the hell out of Jonathan, he would just rather have played games the whole time. Here's a few pics.




Sara took them to the circus on Sunday....

Meet Rocky

We've had him for a while, we just haven't introduced him yet. The day we brought him home, he and Snowy became fast friends.

Rocky and snowy

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They were such good friends, *wink wink* that Snowy would sneak under the towel or blanket that we had covering the kennel entrance, and sleep there right next to the opening.







Here's a picture of him growing up, he's all lop-eared. He hasn't learned control of both ears, just the one.



Now, he's getting bigger, and Snowy hasn't learned that he doesn't have to be so easy on him; and Rocky usually whips up on him ;). Today, Rocky met Asher; they've met before, but not really face to face. Today was their first real interaction with each other; here are a few pics...


Rocky meets Asher

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BTW, the other 2 cats hate Rocky ;).

First day of school!!!

Well, the kiddos started school yesterday, I can't hardly believe it. I don't know which is harder to believe; that my daughter, my first-born, is a SECOND grader, or that my son, my baby, is a FIRST grader!! Its insane to think about, you know, cause they are getting into that territory where you actually have memories of your own childhood from.... so, I dunno. LOL.

Here are some pics....







Also, lookie at what came into the clinic yesterday!! I usually have pretty interesting days up there, there's always one thing or two that's worth mentioning; here's yesterdays!



He is a tiny baby squirrel that someone rescued from their cat, and his name is Frodo Baggins because of his big feet! And yes, we know how stupid it is to name him, he is so tiny, but, it was just so perfect a name!!

IT'S DONE!! Sort of...

WE"VE MOVED!!! Oh, I'm freaking exhausted!! I must be getting too old for this shit! So, I started a new job this week, oh, was that ever the smartest thing on the face of the planet to do right before you move. My feet were so swollen by the end of the week, I can't put on my shoes, and you can't see my ankle bones. THEY HURT!!! So, I'm pretty much useless. We've got all the big stuff out, because Jon had some guys from work come and help, and I owe them a big ol steak dinner for that, too. We still have a few boxes of little things, and I need to clean it out before turning it over, but damn, I'm useless. We went over there about an hour ago, I looked around and said, nope, not today, lol. Maybe if I get some sleep, but I'm seriously considering just having my legs cut off at the knees, I'm sure it would be less painful at this point.

I was without internet service for 3 days, since Wednesday, so if you sent me a message and I haven't responded back, bear with me, I have 250 emails to get through!!!

I will also have a new email address, and phone number, and address!! YAYAYAYAYAYAY!! But I'm not sure about 2 out of the 3 yet, so... if you want any of that stuff, just ask!! and it won't be changing, like, EVER!! lol. ;)

Yvonne's Birthday Cake

Of course, its purple, of course, its chocolate, and of course, its a fairy!!

Checking in

It has been a high stress situation here, and all I had to say was mope, gripe, and complain, and I seemed to be putting people off with that, and I didn't want to risk losing you guys, so I kept my negative self away. LOL. I still posted in my blog, so your welcome to read the frustrations of the time, lol, but I just didn't want to drown you guys in it. We've been trying to buy a house, but the situation has been a big mess, they freak out about my pay, because its based on production, and then we had a glitch with the bank, and were in a negative balance for 2 weeks, which put everything to a screeching halt, and we actually thought we weren't going to be able to move forward, which was really scary; we thought we were going to be homeless come the end of july, because we had already put our notice in where we are renting. Well, we reevaluated some things, and we talked about it alot, alot alot, and we just couldn't think of what to do to help, to make it better, so I just let it go. I can't explain it other than that; I just gave it up. I didn't give up, I gave up the stress, the worry, and the scheming, plotting, and desperation for a plan. I just threw up my hands and said, you know, basically your will be done, whoever that may be. Whether God or the universe, I don't know, but its all the same. I just said, you know what, it will all work out, no matter what, even if its not what I want, it will be what needs to be at that moment, and nothing I do will fix it or change it or help it along, so just stop. So, everything seemed to fall into place; its been almost miraculous the turn around since I made that decision; almost like I was impeding any advancement with my internal struggles with the matter. So, I am officially declaring July 23 as my lucky day; yesterday, I went in for a job interview for a completely different job; this is what I've wanted to do my whole life practically; I was talked out of it by my mom and grandfather when I graduated high school and was about to start college, so I sort of spent the next 10 years floating in space, occupying but not really knowing what for. I did what I had to do; I went to school for the least amount of time, got my certificate as a transcriptionist and did that because it was the degree that needed the least amount of credit hours/classes based on what I had already taken. Yes, how sad is that. I decided to become a medical transcriptionist because it required the least amount of effort based on what I had already done at that point. And I'm fairly good at it, and can make good money. It has its ups and downs, its pros and cons, but I have been able to be home with my kids while they were growing up, doing this 4 years now, but I was still making money and contributing to the household in that way. I'm not happy; I can't tell you how long its been since I've been happy; sometimes I wonder if I've ever been. But it doesn't matter, does it? You have to do what you have to do, and work was what I needed to do, and there was no way I was going to go out and get a job making the kind of money I was making at transcription, so I was stuck. So I sort of had an epiphany of sorts about a month ago, something just clicked in me, and I went, OH, DUH!! I want to be a vet. For some reason, I had stricken from my thoughts after being told at 17 "try something else, its too hard, you won't last, its too expensive, it takes to long...." and whatever else they told me for a reason not to try. So, here I am, 10 years later, and I've pretty much come full circle; except now I have a family, and I cant just run off to college and sleep on a friend's floor, and live off of those $1 frozen dinner meals. I have to figure out a way to do this without hurting us; I mean, if anything, I need to make more, right? So, I thought I'd try my hand at getting a job in a vet's office, you know, make sure its what I really want before taking any plunges like school or quiting transcription and all that. I applied at 2 pet stores, and then I saw a sign at one of the pet stores for the vet office inside; they were hiring. Oh, I think I know somebody who works there, let me get in touch with her! Turns out she's now the director of nursing;that was pretty much the easiest job interview I've ever had. So, I got the job; I'm now officially a "pet nurse". And they don't care that I don't have experience; they are going to train me. I will learn to draw blood, and give shots, and eventually run the labs, and the xrays, and giving anesthetics, and all that jazz. And I am so pumped right now, OMG. If this is something that I really, truly enjoy, I could see taking correspondence courses to become a vet tech. I already found the school closest to me; I had already looked into it, but I didn't see it as an option before; but if I really like it, yeah, Its doable. The funny thing is, I wasn't even nervous one bit about this job interview!! I mean, I didn't know my friend was going to do it till I got there, but I turned in my application on Friday, and the front desk manager called me back in 1 hour. I couldn't believe it; I wasn't even home yet, they were already calling me back for an interview!! SO, yesterday, I go in for the interview, and I wasn't scared, I mean, I normally just stress myself out, and put it all on my stomach, and then my damn stomach is so messed up I can barely sit there comfortably, but I was fine yesterday, you know? I mean, if I got it, it was meant to be, right? ANd if I didn't, it wasn't and there was something else I needed to try to focus on, right? SO I go in, and its less like an interview and more like, OK, let me show you around, here fill out this paperwork, what size scrubs do you need? Here, go take the drug test. OMG, It was awesome. I did have to take a personality test first, and they said "if you fail it, because alot of people do for some reason, we can hire you on as an assistant pet nurse for the first month, and then you can try again". It was a personality test, you know "Are you more whimsical or introverted" stupid questions that have absolutely nothing to do with vet nursing. BUT I PASSED IT!! Oh, this is so awesome, can you tell I'm still excited about this?!? So, I start my new job next monday.

Oh, and what's the other thing? That made yesterday my lucky day? (Oh, damn I just thought about it; I should have bought a lottery ticket yesterday!!) Anyway, we are still in the process of buying this house, and I was waiting all day to hear from my mortgage guy, and I almost called him, but I knew that if he didn't call me, it was because he hadn't heard anything yet, so I just waited. So last night, I get home about 6, and he had sent me an email at 3; we are closing next Monday. L!@)#@*&!()@*$@)&%@*$&!)(*@# I'm so freaking excited right now, and I'm still holding my breathe, trying not to blow off that one feather that is keeping the scales tipped my way, but oh, man, am I just about to burst I am so excited.

Sorry this has been so long guys! Needless to say, with the stress in my life, I have not been following my plan. I pretty much "gave up", lol, about the first of june, it wasn't working for some reason, I couldn't get back on, my willpower was gone. But, I am still eating sensibly, even if I"m eating more carbs and "bad stuff' like ice cream, lol, but I just got on the scale the other day, and I was down another 7 lbs (I don't know in how long, I don't usually get on the scale anymore, cause I just figured I hadn't lost). So now I'm truly at the lowest weight I've been; I remember I weighed 150 when Jon and I met, and then I had no access to a scale until I got pregnant, and at that point, I was 170. I am 166 right now!!! YEEKE!! I want to start focusing on exercise again; I spent the last 3 months focused on nothing but eating, and its showing; even when I'm eating bad, I"m not gorging myself. Its so funny; yesterday, for lunch, I ate a turkey burger; its pretty much my "Staple" lunch here lately; put a sprinkle of cheese on top and 2 tablespoons of rotel, and that's what I have for lunch. I couldn't eat it all yesterday!! I had like, I don't know, maybe 3 or 4 bites left, and I just couldn't finish it, so I didn't. I didn't force myself. Well, come to find out, my husband had made them bigger this time around, LOL, so I guess technically I still ate the same amount as I normally do, lol, I just didn't know it . So, now that I seem to be on "autopilot" with my eating; even if its not all good eating, I am not forcing it all in my mouth when I don't want it, I need to focus on exercise. I can't tell you how I feel right now; my feet are constantly cramping, my hips are really really hurting, I was doing something the other day and realized how out of shape I've gotten, and I know that doing SOMETHING will make me feel better; I want to start with yoga, or pilates, and now that I have another job, I've really got to figure out a time to do it, because my body needs it. Not to mention I can't stand this flab, lol. There are a couple of areas that are just, oh man, I don't even know how to describe it. Its like, I look good with my clothes on, but.... yuck! Lol. Oh, well, I've had 2 kids in 2 years, and I know that was years ago, but I'm not going to be perfect. But I would like to see what the best me can be.

Sorry this has been such a book, if you've made it this far through it all, that means you truly care . I just wanted to let you know what was going on, and the reason I didn't feel I could post before.

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

Current mood: giddy

Ok, I don't want to jinx myself, so knock on wood, and throwing salt over my left shoulder, and all that jazz, but OMGOMGOMG! I am officially declaring July 23rd as my lucky day, because today has been such a great day for me!! Went in for a job interview for a job that I have wanted since I was like, I dunno, 10 maybe!?! Wanted to go to school to be a vet, but was "talked out of it" when I graduated high school, so I've basically floated around the last 10 years or so, not sure what to do, what I wanted to do... and about a month ago I had an epiphany of sorts, and decided that I really did want to be a vet, or at this point in my life, a vet tech, so I thought that I would give it a try, and I applied at a vet office, and it looks like I got the job to be a "pet nurse"!! I'm so freaking exctatically happy right now!! THEN, I come home this afternoon to find out that it looks like we are getting our house!! Closing is next monday, I'm so freaking excited right now, I could probably run a marathon, but I'm just sitting here, packing my house in my mind, and then unpacking it all in its place in my NEW HOUSE!!

Shaved the dog...

A few weeks ago, we shaved poor Asher; he was so fluffy, we knew he was hot.  Here's the B&A...

We didn't take an official before, we didn't think about it at the time.  This one is at Christmas time; he's playing with Shadow (big ol wolf dog).


and here he is, all shaved, and he loved it.  He looks totally different...still can't figure out what he is, though...







And just for S&Gs, here are a few puppy pictures; he thought he was a lap dog, lol.