Amber's birthday cake

Amber's birthday cake... my attempt at a topsy turvey, hannah montana theme....

So, Jon finally decided to get a tattoo ;). Of course, its huge, and he has to be difficult (love you honey) and get the bamboo, so its taking a REALLY long time to finish, so I was going to wait until it was finished but I can't wait anymore, here are a few pics to show it off ....I'll post again when its finished...

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Jon's tat

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Bad days

Dancing Baby...

My little baby niece...

Dancing baby

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Shaved the dog...

A few weeks ago, we shaved poor Asher; he was so fluffy, we knew he was hot. Here's the B&A...

We didn't take an official before, we didn't think about it at the time. This one is at Christmas time; he's playing with Shadow (big ol wolf dog).



and here he is, all shaved, and he loved it. He looks totally different...still can't figure out what he is, though...







And just for S&Gs, here are a few puppy pictures; he thought he was a lap dog, lol.


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Hey baby, what's your sign?

Hey, baby, what's your sign?

OK, I can agree with most of this, but not the "hates to be alone", and not the "beauty and charm" lol.

It would seem like the seventh sign of the zodiac – the Libra – has been taking some pointers from its ruling planet Venus, the ancient goddess of love. Both Venus and Libra are the objects of much affection. In fact, Venus was so beautiful and admired, that many great works of art were inspired by her. A Libra may not garner as much inspiration as an ancient Roman goddess, but a Libra has certainly cultivated a great appreciation for art, as well as for luxury and elegance. To find out more about this graceful sign and its other dominant traits, read on. Plus: Does your marriage need some extra spice?

Libra in a Nutshell

Born: September 23 – October 22
Element: Air – communicative and logical
Quality: Cardinal, the quality that signifies change and movement
Symbol: The Scales
Lucky Day: Friday
Lucky Number: 6 and 9
Special Color: Blue and lavender, the colors of harmony and refinement
Libra Traits: Charming, indecisive, diplomatic, easy-going, vulnerable, idealistic

Nobody will ever accuse a Libra of not being fair. With the Libra symbol of the Scales on your side, you are a seeker of balance, justice and order. You are objective, always able to see both sides of every story, and you are good at handling a crisis. You avoid conflict at all costs, which is why you try to be so peaceful. Striking a harmonic balance in all areas of your life is a continuous goal of yours. But don't think just yet that every Libra should enroll in law school to become a judge, because your ever-present indecisiveness would get in the way of making rulings. Because you are always striving to do what's best and most fair for all parties, you make it difficult for yourself to ever make an actual decision. In part, you are extremely idealistic.

You have an aura of beauty that surrounds you, probably passed on to you by your ruling planet, Venus, the goddess of love, and it begins with your physical looks. Librans are noted to be exceptionally beautiful, and you are probably used to getting a good degree of attention for it. Not only do Libras themselves tend to be pleasing to the eye, but you also indulge in everything that is beautiful. Your good taste and elegance influences your affinity for all things luxurious, and most of your money is spent toward the finer things in life, often with a frivolous abandon.
Being beautiful doesn't hurt your social status either. A hermit you are not, dear Libra. You'll never be the last to be picked on a team, and not necessarily because of your great skills, but because you are just so likeable. You are the poster child for being socially graceful and you have every angle covered: charm, allure, exceptional manners, and elegance.

Relationships
Partnerships with friends and lovers bring out the best in you. You are emotionally driven in all of your relationships and possess the gift of understanding others' feelings and needs. Part of your charm is having a knack for making other people feel important. It's a good thing you are so socially inclined since you despise being alone. One relationship technique native to the Libra sign is giving in during an argument just for the sake of not ruffling any feathers, even when you know you're right. This is where the diplomatic side of you comes in. You are also very empathetic and are more willing to look past a partner's flaws than most.

As an air sign, your best romantic matches are also air signs – Gemini and Aquarius. A true romantic, you are in love with being in love. To you, love represents the beauty and pleasure which you strongly associate with. In a relationship, you want to be admired, and you are neither overly dominant nor overly dependant.
Health
Every zodiac sign has a part of the body which they govern. Libra rules the lower back, called the lumbar region, buttocks and kidneys. Libra women may have a lovely small of the back and curvaceous buttocks and Libra men may have a well-defined back. However, these attractive parts are also susceptible to health problems. You may be cursed with a bad lower back, especially when you overexert yourself. Practice good posture and always wear a back brace when lifting weights or heavy objects. You may also suffer from kidney problems like kidney stones, so avoid heavy drinking. Exercising with a partner or in a group is a good way to maximize your fitness potential.

Career
Any kind of job where you get to channel your creativity and be among a lot of people is the right job for you. You are a great team player but not exactly a great leader because you are too indecisive. You always boost the group morale and serve as the calming influence; you won't partake in gossip in the office either. Your laid-back nature is often mistaken for being lazy, and while you aren't the most ambitious of people, you simply get things done with a little more ease than others. Occupations that a Libra should consider include a lawyer, artist, interior decorator, banker, social worker, beautician, antiques dealer, administrator, mediator, landscaper, and academic counselor.

So very frustrated

I feel like I'm going crazy, lol. I need the little smiley face with the eyes rolling around in its head, like its dizzy or something, ha. I can't stick to this, something always comes up; there is stuff in the house I need to get rid of; I'm highly stressed at the moment with trying to buy a house, at the same time my job decided to be low on work (I get paid production, so no work means no pay for me). ARGGG! I feel so hopeless sometimes, and helpless to do anything about it. Everyone here thinks I'm such a strong person, but I don't feel that way. It amazes me sometimes to hear people's opinions of me; they don't think I'm scared of anything, and I'm scared of everything! I'm scared of not getting this house; it will be my fault if we don't because the production pay is hard to prove, and then I'm scared if we DO get the house; OMG, we are struggling right now! And then to add a house payment on top of that! OOHH. And then it seems like, when it rains, it pours. My husband's work hsa been lacking, as well, to the point where we are both out there applying for part time jobs just about anywhere, and of course, no one is calling us back, so that just stresses out more! But could you imagine the stress if one or both of us were to get another job?! LIke I don't get enough sleep as it were.

So sorry for the rant, I have to put it somewhere. I am so frustrated with myself; I do really good for a week, and then the weekend seems to negate that, or its "negative" time, or something, you know, the vacuum where nothing counts?! Ha. and to save money, we are looking at where to cut in our budget; guess which is the most obvious and easiest to cut?! Food. So, yeah, buying healthy has been more expensive for us; it seems like we're going back to live on mac and cheese and ramen noodles for a while. YUCK I HATE THIS! I know the economy is going bad; nearly everyone I know is hurting in some way right now, and ALOT of people here have second jobs to pay for the damn gas and electricity, but JEEZE, can we catch a break SOMEWHERE?!

IT's finished!!! (sort of....)

So, I went yesterday and *finally* finished this butterfly on my back with "tribal" (I don't really consider it tribal, but its the general idea). I like the way it looks, and after having it done, of course I see the potential to add on lots more stuff (right, like I *really* need more, huh ;). I could add leaves or flowers, like rose buds or something; and a friend even suggested thorns, which would be way cool, too, so long as they weren't huge, you know. Here's a pic; I've already got my next one picked out, ha ha, but its huge, and its going to have to wait; I think I'm getting even more and more chicken in my old age, ha ha. BUT, I have decided on another one I want, smaller, just for me, ha. A black widow spider, probably somewhere around my ankle/foot area. I saw something somewhere that was talking about it, and I've decided I want that to be my mascot!! "Deadlier than the male" HAHA. Ok, maybe makes no sense to you, but if you knew me, it would ;)

So, here's the "finished" product; let me know what you think!!

June 26

Day 1 down and under my belt. I did good, and I feel good that I did good. I almost gave in first thing in the morning; my kids had donuts, and they looked so good, but I reminded myself why I wanted this; and what I wanted it for was bigger and better than any donut, chocolate bar, or sugary sweet I could have right now. I didn't exercise, but, and I know it sounds like I"m making excuses, but I want to wait until next week, once I get myself over the 7-day hump that is the difficulty of getting into ketosis and staying there. Day 3 is always the hardest for me; I'm focusing on KE at the moment, because that is the fastest for me, and when I get more protein powder, I will be adding that in for a meal.

June 25

OK, I messed up again last week. Back on track now; decided I'm a "slow responder"; in other words, I thought I was ok with the cheating cause I wasn't gaining; so I went on a near month-long bender. Well, it took all this time, but I'm finally up 5 lbs, so yeah, I need to get back on. I wasn't even at goal, I don't know WTH i was thinking that I could just let go like that. THought it wouldn't matter, that's what I was thinking. I haven't been able to force myself to start the exercise yet, but I want to incorporate it slowly, so that I don't burn myself out with it before I reap the benefits. My husband and I have been donating plasma for extra money, and I will be doing that this afternoon, so I technically don't have the time to work out today.

June 22

Ok, I'm back. Hopefully. LOL. I've decided to get back on this horse, no matter what. Even though today is friday, I don't care. I'm starting today, right now, getting back on. I thought I was doing good because I hadn't gained anything; I thought my body could handle it. Guess what?! It all caught back up with me. I'm up to 177 from 171, so I'm back in this. Doing KE to start the ketosis process, then will switch to egg whites (but I crave the fat, so will have 1 yolk to 3 egg whites), and will also add in exercise, but I will probably wait till next week to start the exercising. I need to get my schedule straight; I've been so frustrated with summer, and kids, and we just got a new puppy and I swear they are just like a baby, watching every little thing they put in their mouths, and then the whole potty issue!! Plus, we are in the process of buying a house, and I'm REALLY trying not to stress over that; the biggest thing is, I don't want the deal to "fall through" right at the end; we really really need this to work out, cause if it does fall through, we will basically be homeless until we find something else to rent. *sigh* Think happy thoughts!!

June 20

I'm having a really really hard time getting back on for some reason. I have been trying to restart all week; every day, something happens and I just let loose; don't even try very hard to stay on. I'm wondering if I should just call it quits, and maybe look for another way to lose the weight, even if its not as fast? I think I should add in exercise for sure, and then just eat "healthy", fruits and veggies and protein. No grains. *sigh* I don't know; I am upset that I fell off so easily, and I am upset that I'm not at goal yet, and I am upset that it is so hard to get back on; and I'm am upset that I gave up when I was stalled out.

One of the most stressful times of your life

Current mood: stressed

Is buying a house. They say that the 4 most stressful are birth, death, graduation, and marriage. HELLO!! Can we stick in buying a house?!! I don't think I was this stressed when I graduated!! (Both times!!!) OMG, this is the biggest pain in my ass, and can't nobody tell me what to expect; you basically have to be in the middle of it before your hit with all the shit. Well, we've wished and washed back and forth, picked a house, then decided to look around some more, put an offer on another one, which wasn't accepted, so we're back to the original. NOW, if only we can get all this hassle done in 6 weeks!! And we're screwed if it falls through! Send positive vibes my way that this will all work out, and everything will be happily ever after !! (yeah, as cynical as I am, I believe in happy endings...) ;)

June 11, 2007

Well, I'm back, not that my absence was noticed. I spent a week in the cheat zone; I couldn't control my cravings, and to try to offset them, I would stuff my face with "good" food, and still have the monster cravings, so I just thought "Fine, I will give into my cravings. I want chocolate, I can have chocolate!! I want ice cream, I can have ice cream! Or salty!! or sour! Or whatever I want" and I did, all week, without gorging myself! I gorged myself on "good" food, and wasn't happy; but I give myself a little piece of what I was craving, and the monster beast was satiated enough to go away, and now I'm back with not a gain to report. I'm looking forward to maintenance, but I'm back on track this week; still haven't started my TOM, but have had a few false starts, so hopefully in the next day or so it will come on and get here so it can hurry up and get gone. I"m wanting to add exercise back in, but I'm feeling a bit of pressure right now from work; there is SOOOO much to do, they are asking everyone to work extra, and I REALLY need to money, we are attempting to buy a house in the next 6 weeks, so cross your fingers for us!! Anyway, I feel like any free time I have has to be spent working, so that's what I'll probably be doing all this time. Instead of exercising.

AMEN!! Take notes!

Current mood: pleased

OK so i copied this from another guy's blog but its really very fitting and appropriate for me and wanted to let everyone know.

Caring for Your Introvert



The habits and needs of a little-understood group

by Jonathan Rauch

o you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice?

If so, do you tell this person he is "too serious," or ask if he is okay? Regard him as aloof, arrogant, rude? Redouble your efforts to draw him out?

If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you have an introvert on your hands—and that you aren't caring for him properly. Science has learned a good deal in recent years about the habits and requirements of introverts. It has even learned, by means of brain scans, that introverts process information differently from other people (I am not making this up). If you are behind the curve on this important matter, be reassured that you are not alone. Introverts may be common, but they are also among the most misunderstood and aggrieved groups in America, possibly the world.
I know. My name is Jonathan, and I am an introvert.

Oh, for years I denied it. After all, I have good social skills. I am not morose or misanthropic. Usually. I am far from shy. I love long conversations that explore intimate thoughts or passionate interests. But at last I have self-identified and come out to my friends and colleagues. In doing so, I have found myself liberated from any number of damaging misconceptions and stereotypes. Now I am here to tell you what you need to know in order to respond sensitively and supportively to your own introverted family members, friends, and colleagues. Remember, someone you know, respect, and interact with every day is an introvert, and you are probably driving this person nuts. It pays to learn the warning signs.

What is introversion? In its modern sense, the concept goes back to the 1920s and the psychologist Carl Jung. Today it is a mainstay of personality tests, including the widely used Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Introverts are not necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social settings; introverts generally are not. Introverts are also not misanthropic, though some of us do go along with Sartre as far as to say "Hell is other people at breakfast." Rather, introverts are people who find other people tiring.

Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both senses of the expression. Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isn't antisocial. It isn't a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: "I'm okay, you're okay—in small doses."

How many people are introverts? I performed exhaustive research on this question, in the form of a quick Google search. The answer: About 25 percent. Or: Just under half. Or—my favorite—"a minority in the regular population but a majority in the gifted population."

Are introverts misunderstood? Wildly. That, it appears, is our lot in life. "It is very difficult for an extrovert to understand an introvert," write the education experts Jill D. Burruss and Lisa Kaenzig. (They are also the source of the quotation in the previous paragraph.) Extroverts are easy for introverts to understand, because extroverts spend so much of their time working out who they are in voluble, and frequently inescapable, interaction with other people. They are as inscrutable as puppy dogs. But the street does not run both ways. Extroverts have little or no grasp of introversion. They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome. They cannot imagine why someone would need to be alone; indeed, they often take umbrage at the suggestion. As often as I have tried to explain the matter to extroverts, I have never sensed that any of them really understood. They listen for a moment and then go back to barking and yipping.

Are introverts oppressed? I would have to say so. For one thing, extroverts are overrepresented in politics, a profession in which only the garrulous are really comfortable. Look at George W. Bush. Look at Bill Clinton. They seem to come fully to life only around other people. To think of the few introverts who did rise to the top in politics—Calvin Coolidge, Richard Nixon—is merely to drive home the point. With the possible exception of Ronald Reagan, whose fabled aloofness and privateness were probably signs of a deep introverted streak (many actors, I've read, are introverts, and many introverts, when socializing, feel like actors), introverts are not considered "naturals" in politics.

Extroverts therefore dominate public life. This is a pity. If we introverts ran the world, it would no doubt be a calmer, saner, more peaceful sort of place. As Coolidge is supposed to have said, "Don't you know that four fifths of all our troubles in this life would disappear if we would just sit down and keep still?" (He is also supposed to have said, "If you don't say anything, you won't be called on to repeat it." The only thing a true introvert dislikes more than talking about himself is repeating himself.)

With their endless appetite for talk and attention, extroverts also dominate social life, so they tend to set expectations. In our extrovertist society, being outgoing is considered normal and therefore desirable, a mark of happiness, confidence, leadership. Extroverts are seen as bighearted, vibrant, warm, empathic. "People person" is a compliment. Introverts are described with words like "guarded," "loner," "reserved," "taciturn," "self-contained," "private"—narrow, ungenerous words, words that suggest emotional parsimony and smallness of personality. Female introverts, I suspect, must suffer especially. In certain circles, particularly in the Midwest, a man can still sometimes get away with being what they used to call a strong and silent type; introverted women, lacking that alternative, are even more likely than men to be perceived as timid, withdrawn, haughty.

Are introverts arrogant? Hardly. I suppose this common misconception has to do with our being more intelligent, more reflective, more independent, more level-headed, more refined, and more sensitive than extroverts. Also, it is probably due to our lack of small talk, a lack that extroverts often mistake for disdain. We tend to think before talking, whereas extroverts tend to think by talking, which is why their meetings never last less than six hours. "Introverts," writes a perceptive fellow named Thomas P. Crouser, in an online review of a recent book called Why Should Extroverts Make All the Money? (I'm not making that up, either), "are driven to distraction by the semi-internal dialogue extroverts tend to conduct. Introverts don't outwardly complain, instead roll their eyes and silently curse the darkness." Just so.

The worst of it is that extroverts have no idea of the torment they put us through. Sometimes, as we gasp for air amid the fog of their 98-percent-content-free talk, we wonder if extroverts even bother to listen to themselves. Still, we endure stoically, because the etiquette books—written, no doubt, by extroverts—regard declining to banter as rude and gaps in conversation as awkward. We can only dream that someday, when our condition is more widely understood, when perhaps an Introverts' Rights movement has blossomed and borne fruit, it will not be impolite to say "I'm an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you. But now please shush."

How can I let the introvert in my life know that I support him and respect his choice? First, recognize that it's not a choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's an orientation.

Second, when you see an introvert lost in thought, don't say "What's the matter?" or "Are you all right?"

Third, don't say anything else, either.

June 4, 2007

I can't believe we are already 10 weeks into this challenge. That means that we've basically been without susie for 10 weeks!! Susie, we miss you, come back!! I have tried keeping in touch with some of the other girls; Nancy is happy on the PFA or whatever it was called; Deb was in the process of life altering events, and wasn't sure where we fit in there, and I still haven't heard back from Amy! I hope everyone is doing well; I think this time around has been the biggest learning experienced for me, in what my body can handle, food wise. I now know how my body reacts to certain foods; what it takes for me to lose weight semi-steadily (it still throws its hissy fits once in a while), and the things that have taught me the most have been the cheats!! I would love to give myself to opportunity to see how far my body can go, exercise wise. I'm almost afraid to jump back into it; I have been out of it for about 2 months, and that is usually when I get my results for weight loss; I'm thinking that if I jump back into it now, I will stall again. I'm only about 25 lbs from goal (which, yeah, right 25 lbs is alot! But when you look at I've lost more than half that, it feels like its just right there!! I've gotten comfortable in my new body; its stalled for a couple of weeks now with the weight loss, but I've come to the conclusion that, besides 3 years ago when I was 168, this weight is the lowest I have been in 8 years!! I can't believe it! I weighed this when I got pregnant with my first child!! Of course, I had gained weight between meeting my husband and that time, and that's what I'm trying to lose now, but I figure, Its been sitting on this frame for 8+ years, it might take a bit longer to let go. And that's ok; I have kids, I have learned patience! As long as I prevail! The sad thing is, I'm almost TOO comfortable in my new body; getting a bit lax on the diet; so, will have to do some real soul searching and digging; am I comfortable here for the time being? Do I want to take a break and maybe let it ride for a while, then pick back up and battle the last 20? I really really would love to get it off by September; then I REALLY could do those pictures for my husband. I know I look good now, but I also know that I'm still overweight, and I will look even better when it all comes off! But, this is just so typically me; I never could go all 12 weeks. I always had to break about week 10!

June 3, 2007

I cheated this weekend; :( I don't really want to talk about it, just that I lost 2 lbs as of SUnday morning, after pizza saturday night, so explain that to me?!

June 1, 2007

Ok, so apparently my body is happy at this weight; I believe I have been here for about 2 weeks now, and it is NOT about to relinquish any more pounds without a serious fight! And it is throwing cravings at me left and right, bound and determine NOT to drop below this weight!! I am at 171 right now; the lowest I have been in nearly 7 years is 168!! So its like my body doesn't want to drop below that weight! UGH!! Ok, so I am hanging my head in shame here, but I had carbs yesterday! I had fries. OMG, I'm so bad!! I was supposed to kick butt this month, and reach my goal, and 3 days in I give into temptation! I didn't eat ALOT, my stomach doesn't hold that much anymore, and I don't gain after a cheat (Thankfully), but it will stop me from a loss for the next 3 days while I climb back into ketosis. Also, I was unable to give up my coffee like I thought I could. BUT, I have been able to use it as a meal, instead of shakes or EWs, so I MAY be able to use that to my advantage after all; I'm still tweaking my shakes; I mix my chocolate protein powder with coffee, but it's still sort of watery; if I can get my coffee in my shake strong enough, maybe I'll be ok in that area! Plus the coffee helps me go to the bathroom, something I've been missing this week...


*sigh*

All of a sudden

Don't you just love all these people who finally notice your improvements? I've been stopped today by no less than 3 people, and they are all shocked at my look; its great, because I'm not even "there" yet. But what gets me, is how they phrase it "How did you do it so fast?" Excuse me?? You may not have noticed me when I was 20 lbs down, or even 25 lbs down, but all of a sudden its obvious and it happened overnight?! I don't think so!! I busted my but for those 30 lbs, and it sure as hell didn't happen in 1 night!! LOL, its just amazing at how, they didn't notice at 10, and they didn't notice at 20, but 30, WOO, i'm a totally different person or something! Ok, rant over.

May 31, 2007

Oh, man, I don't know what's wrong with me today! I'm hungry! I had lunch with my kids today since its the last day of school (read, I sat there and watched them eat, cause i had eaten before hand) I seriously didn't know if I could avoid stealing a fry!! Thankfully, they were pigs today and ate it all, otherwise, I might have had some demons to contend with! So I came home and fixed myself a protein shake, since I was still so hungry, but I'm wondering if my TOM is coming up again; there is no other explanation for these monster cravings like this! For some reason, he rears his ugly cravings about 2 weeks before the fact, so I have to contend with his crap literally 3 weeks out of the month. Oh, the joys of being a woman!!

May 31, 2007

Do you know what I hate most about working out? The minute you stop, you pretty much lose all benefits of it. I worked out practically religiously for 6 months, and then about march, spring break, I took a break. I haven't done a work out since then, so what's that, 2 months? OMG, I am so sore from yesterday, I have to flop into all my chairs!! This bites! And I'm really hungry today and yesterday!! Is this from working out? If so, it can wait! I have 31 more days for my goal, and I haven't lost anything. I'm hoping for a whoosh, though; don't they say that when you get "jiggly" your about to lose? My tummy has been really jiggly lately, more so than I remember before. And my legs, very odd...I really hope that when this process is all said and done, its all tightened up as much as possible. I mean, I know the stretch marks are an issue, but I don't want no jelly legs!! Do you think maybe this is something that might prohibit people from reaching their goals? The not knowing where they will end up? I mean, what if your not happy with the end product? At least when you were fat, you weren't all saggy, right? Oh, lord, listen to me. I'm all vain sounding, aren't I!! I don't know; I want to look good, but skinny doesn't always mean healthy, and that's something I need to remind myself of, I suppose...

May 29, 2007

Ok, I am bound and determined to get to my goal by July 1st. Only 33 days to lose approximately 25 lbs. That's less than 1 lb a day; can I do that?? I am NOT going to sit around a mope about it not happening!! I had slow to no losses in May; according to the "May biggest loser" challenge, I am only down 5 lbs in may!! OMG, that is not acceptable. So far, here is my plan of action for getting to where I want to be....

* During the week, I will have 1 or 2 shake meals. On the days that I have 1 shake meal, I will have EWs for the other meal. Dinner will be strictly protein.
* I am going to start working out. Pilates on T&Th, strength training on MWF.
* No more "little bit" of bad stuff!! No coffee (except what I put in my shake) because I add creamer! No salad, cause I use the bad dressing!
* Water is my friend; it does wonderful things for me, so I will repay it by DRINKING MORE OF IT!!
* My dinner will consists of ONLY lean protein, but no beef!! So chicken and fish will become my friend! I will find wonderful recipes to help spice them up, so they are no so bland and boring.
* I WILL NOT become frustrated with a lack of loss during this time!! I will know that it is my body's way of throwing a hissy, and I am STRONGER that that!! GIving in is what it wants; if I can hang in there, I WILL SEE The improvement!

OMG, I have a headache!! LOL. I really really want this, and I'm having trouble with being comfortable in my body now, because I haven't been this low in YEARS, so... I'm trying to push myself to my goal, because I know that I won't be happy staying here for very long!! This starts NOW!! (Any suggestions are most welcome to add to my list!)

May 28, 2007

Ok, so no change for me over the weekend, but the weekends, for some reason, come off as a "free time", not that I was bad, I just wasn't strict. We go out to eat on the weekends more, etc, so ... With summer coming, I am definitely going to have crack down on myself. I am a little more than halfway to goal; I am thinking I'm going to start exercising this week; I will add in pilates, and right now I have a strength training workout for women, sort of training yourself to do chin ups. I hope it won't stall me, but right now, I want to tone up what I've got. Cross your fingers for me; I really want to hit that july 1 goal; we are doing family pictures that weekend, it would be nice to be there!

Slide shows

I have had some recent complaints that my page isn't loadable, so I took as much shit off of it as I could, including my slide shows. SO, I thought I would stick them in my blog, so if you want to see them, you can; if not, no biggie.

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I feel...

Friday
I can't get over how good I feel! I have lost 30 lbs, and I swear, I'm acting as if I've already reached goal! I keep telling myself "You don't look that good yet!" but I feel good about myself, and I'm actually wearing shorts and camis out of the house. There are only a FEW things left in my closet that I can't wear; the majority of which are shirts that are too small for my big boobs! I'm wearing a size 10 in pants (Hello, can you say high school!! Of course, I think there is a difference between a 9 junior and a 10 regular, but I'm going to pretend like there's not . There is actually a definition to my waist, and my stomach doesn't pooch out past my boobs. I have always liked the shape of my body (I'm thick, though, arms, boobs, torso, legs, thick all around) but I'm proportionate. So, when they say that as you lose, you just become a smaller version of your old self for a while, That's ok by me!! And I'm sitting here laughing at myself for typing all this out, because I probably don't look as good as I feel... but I feel so damn good right now!! And I'm only halfway there! Imagine how sexy I will be when I actually reach goal!! I'm totally pumped, excited, bouncing on my toes, and I can't wait to get there. :-*

I added pictures to my yahoo page this week; compare start to now, that's a 30-lb difference. Tell me if you notice much, cause I can't say that I do!

May 23, 2007

We are relearning to use 1 vehicle this week, and let me tell you, it is a big ol pain in the @$$. It will be better when school is out (5 more days), but right now, we leave so early, 6, to drop Jon off, but its a waste of gas to come back home, not to mention that by the time we got back home, we'd have to turn around to go back to school, that we just go and sit in the school parking lot until it's time to drop the kids off. *SIGH* This weekend is a 3 day weekend, for memorial day, and I'm trying to not let it bug me that the kids get monday off, but have to go back to school for 3 more days. It seems like Friday should be their last day; why take 1 day off, and then go back for 3 more days? I mean, does that really matter for kindergarten/first grade? LIke I said, *trying* not to let it bug me.

May 19, 2007

I'm down another 2 this morning; feeling good about that. 5 more pounds, and I'll be in virgin fat. it feels good to have these losses after the stall that I had; but I came back after my cheat, and muscled through it. I wonder if I needed the cheat to sort of reset myself? I had no gain with the cheat, and of course it was like starting all over, so the first 3 days sucked, but it "worked"?!

May 19, 2007

Well, I have had a stressful 24 hours. Thursday night, on the way home from work, the car broke down on my husband. He was pretty much down the road from the house. So, he comes home, and we are already late to something we have to get to that is out of town, so we leave the car on the side of the road. When we come back, the car is gone. We called the police, DPS, and Sherrif's office to see if any of them towed it; none of them had a record of it being towed. OMG, someone stole our car!! So, we file a stolen vehicle report, we call the insurance to file a claim, only to find out that our insurance is deficient in this category of vehicle problems (this wasnt' suppose to be this way, we are required by the bank to have this insurance! So basically, we are screwed). Well, after spending all day Friday stressing out over this, the sherrif's dept calls us Friday night about 7 to let us know they have located the car, and its at a wrecking yard, and we gotta go pick it up. So, we call the wrecker, and get the answering service, and the only time we can pick up the car is 3. WEll, My husband has to work today, so guess who gets to do it by herself?! Not to mention the fact that the reason it was on the side of the road to begin with was because it was broke down. NOT TO MENTION the fact that they charge like $150 a day fine until you pick up your car. First of all, I don't have the money to get the car out; second of all, its not running, and so I have no freaking idea how this is going to play out, but its REALLY got my blood pressure pumping high today; needless to say I woke up with a migraine. On the bright side, I'm down another 3 lbs this week.

Saturday
Ok, so I went to get the car out, $300 down the tube I didn't have. IT was basically out of gas, so I put gas in it, drove it to the parking lot across the street, and sat and waited for my husband to get dropped off by some very nice person he works with . The ordeal is over, but the car is still ready to keel over any minute, so it does need shop work, so we are going to have to learn to use 1 car again (its a pain, jon has to go to work before 630, and then the kids go to school at 730; geeze, with the gas the way it is, its hardly worth driving back home and then going back for an hour. Luckily, there is only about 8 days of school left, so I guess I will bring a book and sit in the car for a week). Hopefully, we can come up with the money to fix the car. I wish it really was stolen (except for the insurance thing, which, by the way, we fixed the minute they told us they found the car).

May 15, 2007

*sigh*. Why is it so hard to get back on once you've fallen off? I'm in day 2 of my restart, and I can't stop thinking of everything bad that I can't have. I'm not even hungry; last week, I had a few days where I had issues with work, and was working on a few projects, and got SOOO wrapped up in them, I totally forgot to eat. Forgot to eat; as in, I wasn't hungry!! And that was last week, the week I cheated all day. so, I'm really wanting this, and I was hating myself the whole time I was cheating, and so I'm trying to get back into ketosis, and its REALLY hard! All I want is what I can't have!! Ugh, I hope to get past this soon.

May 11, 2007

I can't believe how the week has gotten away from me. All week has felt like friday, and now its finally friday, and I can't believe it. I've been having issues with work; stressing me out immensely. I've had some down time, so I made up a web page for my cakes, if your interested.

http://home.earthlink.net/~amandasolorza/

After a 2 week stall, and then this week of falling off the wagon, I finally had a 1 lb loss this morning; pray for me this weekend, my husband wants to take me out to eat for MOther's day; we are going to Shoguns, its a japanese restaraunt where they cook in front of you, twirling their knives around and stuff? Well, its good, and I love it, so PRAY!! LOL

I have a website...

For my cakes!! Sort of. Its still in the construction phase, but its there!!

Amanda's Cakes

May 9, 2007

well, I have no idea what happened, but apparently it wasn't really my TOM?? my body is doing some wacky stuff. So, I'm frustrated, and I'm stalled, so I cheated; I need to go back to KE and put myself back into ketosis. I was being really careful before, but I'm afraid that my coffee may have been what was stalling me; I had cream in it. I know it has a few carbs, but coffee REALLY helps me go to the bathroom, and I figured those few carbs were worth that. I may have to try cutting it out completely (I cant stand it without the cream) to see if that helps move me along. I've been stuck right at 178 for nearly 3 weeks now.

May 9, 2007

OH, CRAP. I've fallen so far off the wagon, I can't even see the dust from the wheels. *sigh*.

Back on tomorrow. I finally started today (for real this time, no false start like the other day) so I'm hoping my "hormonal imbalance" can no longer be an "excuse" for my indiscretions. Going KE all the way for the rest of the week; PLEASE help me get through MOther's day; my husband wants to take me out to eat!!

May 8, 2007

*sigh*. Beginning of week 3 of my stall. I got some of that colon cleansing stuff, whole body cleanse I think is what its called; it finally helped me go to the bathroom where MOM and colace wasn't helping. I started this morning, sort of, so hopefully by the end of this week, I will have flushed out whatever fluids I was hanging on to; but its still very frustrating to have no movement in 3 weeks. I might could understand if I had like 5-10 lbs to go, but I still have a good 35 lbs on my body that could just take a hike. I am going back to KE this week, since that was the only time I had great success. The week I started regular kimkins is when I first started stalling. I'm thinking of adding back in exercise, which I haven't done in about 2 months, but I need to figure out the time for me to do that; I'm having issues at work, which are definitely stressing me out, and once the changeover happens, maybe I will be able to get into a better routine. I really need to do the exercise in the morning, cause I have ZERO energy by the time afternoon comes around, and I could go walking with my kids and hubby. which, is what I was hoping to do, but every day, I put it off cause of lack of energy. I'm frustrated, and that chocolate is looking good, and I keep telling myself that it will set me back, but I'm not moving forward anyway, so whats the difference....

You gotta see this!

OMG, ok, so Saturday, we went to Mercados (acidentally, of course, we didn't go JUST because it was cinco de mayo) and there was this guy there, and he asked us if the kids wanted a balloon. We were like, yeah, sure, ok. We thought he was going to go get a mercados balloon. THEN, he asked, what do they want? They have any favorite superheros? FLower, butterfly, etc? So we were like, yeah, sure, batman. Ok, STILL not getting it, we thought he was going to go get one of those mylar balloons that had batman on it. THEN, he pulled out a few balloons from his apron pocket; OMG, he's going to twist these balloons to look like batman!! It was so freaking cool, I took pictures, and had to share!! ;)

May 4, 2007

I"m still a little frustrated this week; last week was my second week, and I had no loss all week; then monday morning of this week I woke up 3 lbs lighter. Now, this week, since monday, I have had no losses again! Its very disheartening, and I'm trying very hard to stay on track; I almost cheated yesterday, but I didn't. I know it was my TOM who was trying to convince me to have that ice cream. So, last week I think my problem was potty, and I did the tea to try to help me some, but I feel like a wierdo, and I don't want to be gross, but it doesn't seem to move it all out for me. I have diarrhea from it, but it doesn't seem like its enough, if that makes sense. And then, this week, potty on top of TOM. *blech*. I'll be happy to have him over and gone. I guess I need to try fiber instead of laxative; but that hasn't worked for me in the past, either. *sigh* Usually coffee helps me, or spicy stuff, but none of that is working so far.

Kathryn's School Musical

Kathryn had a school music program tonight; all the little 1st graders got to dress up and sing a song; of course, her's was the cutest song; if your interested in watching.

Kathryn's Music program

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And of course, here she is being silly afterwards with Kaylee S.

Kathryn's Dance Recital

Kathryn's Dance recital
For those of you who are interested in watching it...She's in the front, on the right side of the frame, I know its hard to see her if you don't know its her; for some reason, my camera won't let me zoom while I'm filming, I had to be where I wanted to be before turning it on, and I didn't want to turn it off to zoom in further...

Kathryn's Dance recital

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April 30, 2007

Well, I am just no good at keeping a daily log of my life, I'm too busy, or there's nothing going on, or something. Anyway, I've made it through another week. FIrst week, I lost 10 lbs; this whole week, NOTHING! I didn't lose anything. I stayed on track, the only thing I did differently was I went from KE to Kimkins; I didn't know if that was it, or if my body was just adjusting from the initial loss. Well, as of yesterday, I'm down a few more, so I have decided NOT TO WORRY!! If I take care of the diet, the diet will take care of me, and I can have no complaints if I average to lose 1 lb a day, even if its not a steady loss.

I'm very proud of myself for this weekend! I had to make a cake, and I was soooo worried I would end up licking a spoon of batter or some icing off my fingers; I was able to resist temptation! Yay me! Also, my husband bought one of those personal pizzas from schlotzski's; chicken barbecue with jalapenos; OHHH, I was so tempted there too, but just the IDEA that one bite will slow me down for a whole week is enough to keep me out of the ditch. I've had all that stuff before; yeah, I know what it tastes like, and I know its good, but I have commited myself to loosing this weight with no cheats, and I know the food will be there when I'm done, should I chose it then! I'm hoping for more losses this week; I still need to work on potty problems, I'm sure that had something to do with my slowness of last week; I had MOM, and it made me want to puke, so I did the dieter's tea, which I've done before, but 1 day isn't enough for me, and I didn't want to do 2 days, cause it makes my stomach cramp up, badly, like a regular laxative does. Anyway, still working on that, but I'm happy with my progress so far.

April 30, 2007

Wow, week 5 already?! Anyone else feels like this is somehow wrong?! *sigh*. I'm really proud of myself for this weekend; I had a cake to make, and I didn't eat any of the scraps or the icing while making it, and when I went to the party, I didn't eat any there, either! Its always been so hard for me to keep from "tasting" all my stuff to "make sure it tastes right", lol.

My neice's birthday

Here is a picture of the cake I decorated for this weekend; my niece's 1st birthday.



Here is a picture of the cake with the tiny smash cake.



And here is a picture of her, covered in the smash cake!!

April 27, 2007

So, I changed my goal weight today. I ran across a formula that seems to be pretty on par; 100 lbs for 5 feet, then 5 lbs for every inch over; so me at about 5 9, so I changed it to 145 from 150. I'll be happy to get to 150, no doubt, and of course, this will definitely not be set in stone, but I want to look my best, so I thought I would shoot for that.

My eyes...a quiz

..>..>

You scored as Eyes full of Pain. People tend to overlook you, which makes you feel less worthy of their attentions. You sometimes wish you could just disapear from the world around you. You have been hurt very badly in the past and you just wish that someone would understand you, and what their cruelty is doing to you. ..>..> Eyes full of Pain ..>..> 75% Mysterious ..>..> 58% Passion ..>..> 33% Diamond Eyes ..>..> 25% What do your eyes reveal about you?(PICS!) created with QuizFarm.com

April 26, 2007

Well, I had a good run of loss there last week, but I seem to have stalled this week. Still no exercise; I'm going through my exhausted phase again. I wish I had a copy of my previous posts; surely there is a pattern somewhere of when I get hit hard with this stuff?

April 25, 2007

I feel so terrible; I check the site everyday, but I usually don't have anything going on that is worth reporting, hence my lack of check-ins lately. LIfe is getting in the way too much; I am having so many issues with work right now, and baseball has started up, etc, etc, blah, blah, excuses, excuses. I am totally excited about the whole new side of my wardrobe that has opened up! I can wear nearly everything in there now, and of course, losing a bit more I would still be comfortable in all of them; but I just realized, once I hit my goal, I'm going to need mostly all new clothes! I haven't been my goal weight since... I dunno, before we were married! OMG!

April 23, 2007

Hey, I'm so bad at making daily posts; stuff will happen, and then days will go by when nothing happens, and it hardly seems worth mentioning! But, I thought I would start this, just to have a place to put my random thoughts in order, maybe help me some.

I am really proud of myself this week! Today marks the beginning of my second week on Kimkins (I did KE for the entire first week), and on Saturday, me and my family went to Six Flags, and I was soooo tempted by everything there; ice cream, and pizza, and it all smelled so good, and I didn't cheat at all!! I kept reminding myself of the domino effect, and how I had struggled all week to stay on the right path, and how I was already 6 days in, and if I cheated, I would have to start all over! That thought ALONE kept me from taking a bite of my daughter's ice cream, or stopping to buy something else I would regret later! Its so easy to give in and not think of the consequence of something that you do, but when I did stop to think about it, and you have to think "I have to start over! WHen I Cheat, I'm pretty much hitting reset, and starting all over" You realize, its sooo not worth it. You know what that ice cream tastes like; its not like its going to change while you are getting to where you need to be. And soon, in 2 or 3 months, when I am to where I want to be, then an occasional indulgence will be allowed, but not now. I've had too many indulgences in the past, and now I am paying the penance for them.

April 20, 2007

my life is so busy at this point, I still haven't had time to jump into exercising, but I do have a few tapes, I'm going to start up next week, no worries. (and we won't have 3 baseball games next week, either My husband and I have started walking around the block with our dog and our kids on their bike; the kids look forward to it, and keep us at it, if we were to quit, cause they bug us to go!

April 18, 2007

Still struggling along with my strictness at this point; hoping it will get better by the end of the week, when I get all the extra bloat and carbiness out of my system. I'm already down 3 lbs, which pretty much puts me back at the beginning, so YAY!!

April 16, 2007

OK, so I've decided to crack down on myself, I've been letting things slide and go on for too much and too long, and I was turning a blind eye to the fact that I was slipping into old habits. I spent the weekend preparing, and getting myself ready, and Its only 1230 and I can't believe how much I'm anxious to snack, and I'm not hungry!! That chocolate looks good, and those crackers look good, too! Its terrible that I have allowed this to get so far, but even worse that I didn't see it. I need your support and prayers, guys, I feel like this is going to be a rough week for me. But I'm here, plowing through, trying to make it out.

Kimkins introduction

Hi! My name is Amanda, I'm 27, and I have 2 kids. I accidentally stumbled across Kimkins today, when a girl on my cake decorating forum showed off her pictures of her losing 20+ lbs in a month. Well, obviously she was grilled about how she was so successful, and she pointed us in the direction of this site. I've done all kinds of research on it today; looking at the blog, and at what others have to say, and I have to say, I'm intrigued. I have been on a weight loss rampage since September, and I have only lost 16 lbs (which the last 3-4 keep yo-yoing up and down), and so needless to say, I'm frustrated. The first 12 weeks, I was eating about 1200-1400 calories a day, and trying to work out, but I'm much too busy for that. Well, when I only lost 10 lbs, I decided to buckle down. I got into a program that does the whole "eat lots and lots, and exercise lots and lots", and I wasn't happy. I was miserable forcing that much food down my throat!! After 2 months of that, and working out 6 days a week, 1.5 hours a day, I gave up. I threw in the towel, and sat on the couch for the next 2 weeks; and lost 5 lbs! I was totally frustrated! How do you lose weight when you GIVE UP?! I couldn't understand, but the high calorie food thing didn't do it for me. SOOO, I'm willing to give Kim a try for the next 12 weeks. Obviously, I can't keep doing what I was; it wasn't working.

So, I joined up today, and I have been looking around, I love most of the recipes posted, and I'm totally excited to get started. I found on the blog site them talking about the Boot Camp, but I can't seem to find it here on the website; does anyone have any idea where I can find more information on that? It would be greatly appreciated. Also, I want to start on Monday, so I have the weekend to plan out my meals, clean out my cupboards and cabinets, and prepare myself mentally for this journey. Are there any meal ideas for the first 5 days (no veggies)? Any other hints and tips would be greatly appreciated!!

Sorry this turned out to be so long winded!

April 13, 2007

I stumbled across this by accident; this woman told me about on one of my cake decorating forums today, and I have been looking into this. I wanted to share this one article this lady had on her message board... I don't know whether to be interested or appalled.

http://kimkinsdiet.blogspot.com/2007/03/are-you-afraid-to-eat-less.html#links

My weekend...

Current mood: contemplative

How was everyone's weekend? I heard we had snow. Can you f#($_*ing believe it?!?! The first time we have snow in, what, 5 years, and we weren't even here to see it!?! My kids still don't know what snow is. ;). We spent our weekend in Austin! (WOHOO)! And I don't even have any pictures to show for it!! We didn't really do anything worth taking pictures of; there was alot of going out to eat. There was the Chidren's Museum, and Dave and Buster's, and the new outlet mall!! We didn't even get to see the bats. Austin didn't get snow, but it was still fucking cold, man. It sleeted all day Saturday. But we had a good time, and Jon and I actually got to have Saturday night ALONE, out to eat, then a movie, then back to the hotel room, NO KIDS!! DOUBLE WOHOO!! So, there is my weekend, and the only *proof* I have of it are the stockpile of receipts from the outlet mall (hee hee).

Hopefully, we will be able to go to San Antonio in about a month or two, and we will stop by Austin again for about a day, to visit our friends again, and MAYBE that time, we will have done something worthy of pictures. ;).

My pants

Current mood: ecstatic

Ok, some of you may know my seemingly never ending battle to lose weight. I did pretty good a few years ago, and then got put on quite a lot of oral steroids and steroid injections when I started having problems with my hands, and of course, gained quite a bit of weight with that. I have now finally gotten down to about the weight I was before all that (I still have 5 more lbs to go before I am exactly there), but I JUST GAINED ABOUT 6 PAIRS OF PANTS!! I am so freaking happy to be able to FIT into the majority of my closet again!

Ok, thanks for letting me share!! ;)

Week 1

Week 1

This week has not started out with the best effort on my part. Jon's busy season has started, and he is now working 12 hour shifts; that means I gotta fend for me and the kids. So guess how easy it is to just make the easy kid food instead of making the good stuff and having them eat it with me?! We are leaving this weekend; we are leaving friday and will be gone until sunday afternoon, so don't thing I've left. I'm pretty sure I won't have internet acess while I'm gone, not that I"m going to be worried about it. We are going to Austin!!

SO, I have these new tapes, by Jillian Michaels; I"m looking forward to her kicking my butt. Does anyone have an opinion on the mini trampolines, and what kind of workout you can get on them? I saw an infomercial, and of course wanted to "check it out", but so far everything I've found, from Spark People on up, say its a good 600-calorie an hour workout.

My Embellishment...

Ok, I finally did, after how long ago did I talk about it?! I went down to the tatoo place, and embellished on my existing tatoo.

Here's the original..



And here is what it looks like now...


Of course, Its still not completely done, I want to add something along the sides of it, and I hate to say tribal, just cause I don't want thick, bold, heavy, dark lines, but I want SOMETHING there. SO, any ideas for that would be great!

The birthday party

Well, the birthday finally came (and went, thankfully) and I am sooo glad its finally over. That party stressed me out more than you could ever know; not only was I doing something for my girly-girl daughter that I don't particularly enjoy or find interesting (make over!); but, I was doing it by myself!! I asked everyone I know to help, and I didn't get much in that regard. I found some girls who I convinced to come and help with the makeup and the hair, and then I got lucky, and one of the mom's brought her sister, who is also a teenager, and it worked out really, really well. The girls had a blast; I ran into a mom yesterday, and she said her girls talked about it all weekend long! I'm so glad, but I'm more glad that its over!! (Have I already said that?!) Anyway, they had makeup and nails and hair and then they got to paint a picture frame and make a bracelet with beads (Which was a disaster unto itself, don't ask!) and of course cake and pizza!! And its finally over!! Here are the pictures for the party ~



After the party, Jon and I went to Shreveport to support a friend in his MMA fight; and that was a blast!! No kids, just adults, actually doing something fun!! And, it was even way more fun and exciting cause we knew the guy. So, if you want to see the fight, I have it recorded (I was unable to load the whole thing, just round 2, because it was too big, so if anyone knows how I can cut the movie in half to load the whole thing, it would be greatly appreciated!!)

Jacob Hart, Round 1, March 24, 2007

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Jacob Hart -Round 2

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Religious test

Current mood: curious

Your Results:
The top score on the list below represents the faith that Belief-O-Matic, in its less than infinite wisdom, thinks most closely matches your beliefs. However, even a score of 100% does not mean that your views are all shared by this faith, or vice versa.

Belief-O-Matic then lists another 26 faiths in order of how much they have in common with your professed beliefs. The higher a faith appears on this list, the more closely it aligns with your thinking.

..>..>

1.	Reform Judaism (100%)
2.	Neo-Pagan (91%)
3.	Unitarian Universalism (86%)
4.	Jainism (85%)
5.	New Thought (82%)
6.	Sikhism (81%)
7.	Mahayana Buddhism (78%)
8.	Hinduism (78%)
9.	Orthodox Judaism (77%)
10.	Liberal Quakers (76%)
11.	Bah?'? Faith (74%)
12.	Scientology (74%)
13.	New Age (70%)
14.	Islam (70%)
15.	Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (65%)
16.	Theravada Buddhism (61%)
17.	Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (54%)
18.	Secular Humanism (44%)
19.	Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (42%)
20.	Taoism (41%)
21.	Orthodox Quaker (40%)
22.	Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (35%)
23.	Jehovah's Witness (33%)
24.	Nontheist (28%)
25.	Eastern Orthodox (27%)
26.	Roman Catholic (27%)
27.	Seventh Day Adventist (18%)

http://www.beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html

Happy birthday!

Current mood: nostalgic

Today is my daughter's birthday. She is 7 years old today!! OMG, if that doesn't make you feel old, nothing will. I still feel like I'm young, I don't think about my age that much, I don't think about other people's ages that much, but DAMN if having a 7 year old doesn't make you feel old!! Sweet girl. I'll be working on her cake this weekend; party is next weekend since this week was spring break. I'll post the pics afterwards!!

My frustrations

Current mood: frustrated

I hate to gripe, and I feel like this negative entity that is dragging everything down with her, but I wanted to share my feelings, espl for those of you who are asking about me. I am still very frustrated at the moment; I am exactly where I was at Christmas. I haven't changed in weight, inches, or fat loss. I have done everything that I can possibly think of to make this work. I ate really good; no pizza, candy, sugar, or sweets of any kind for a month; then I went to see Danny. He wanted me to cut out my starchy carbs after 2, and add more protein, so I did that. Then it was add more water, so I did that. Then it was cut out the caffeine, which I did (except for my half a cup of coffee in the morning, which kinda helps me go to the bathroom, so I'll drink an extra glass of water to make up for it). Now, here I am, 2 full months into the new year, and haven't budged a single quarter of an inch. So, I'm frustrated, and I feel like giving up. I feel like, this isn't working, its not worth it, I should be DONE!! I am 2 weeks away from my daughter's birthday party; that was my goal date!! I should be done, but I'm not. It was supposed to be easy, remember! Simple but not easy. I knew what to do, and I did it, and it didn't work. Now what? I went on a binge this past week; over the weekend, I had more candy than I care to remember, ate pizza, had cake, had fried foods, and guess what?! Nothing happened! It didn't all come rushing back; as a matter of fact, I lost 3 lbs as of Tuesday morning!! Of course, since I started working out again on Tuesday night, its all back again. I did yoga tuesday, met up with Danny on wednesday, and picked up on my running this morning, and those 3 lbs that magically disappear when I stop working out crept back on. I try to talk to Danny about this, but he thinks I'm not giving it enough time. I've been at this since SEPTEMBER, I should be DONE!! I should be at my goal right now, or very nearly there, and all I have to show for this effort is 10 lbs, lost BEFORE christmas, before I started really cracking down on myself, and recording every little morsel, and really cutting out the sugar and the caffeine, and the pizza, and the bad carbs. I was afraid to cut all that stuff out before, because I knew it would work, but then it would come right back on when I tried to slowly readd it, even for just once or twice a month. But, I did it, because I thought it was worth it, if I could just lose this weight, it would be worth not having sugar in my tea, and it would be worth not eating french fries, and it would be worth not eating pizza again! But it didn't work, so now where do I go from here? Everything in my life feels like its suffering right now because I have stopped to take the time to go to the gym. My work is suffering; therefore my paycheck is suffering. My husband is talking about working overtime, and getting a second job, but it should be ME who has to shoulder the load, because its my fault that we are struggling right now!! Because I take 2 hours every day to workout. and then come home, and take a shower, and its nearly 11 by the time I sit down to work!! And sometimes, I am soo tired, I can't even accomplish that! So, he's talking of getting a second job, so I feel like somethings gotta give, and guess what that something is going to be?! Its gotta be the gym, its the only "luxury" I have going right now, besides sleep, that can be cut to make more time for me to work extra. and I hate to do it, but you know, it shouldn't take 2 hours a day to get where you want. AND, it probably wouldn't be so damn disheartening if it actually worked, but its not!! Craig B says to take 45 minutes a day, 3 days a week to do your strength training and intervals, and then 30 minutes a day on the other days for aerobics. I WISH! but, I want this. I want to be healthy, and lean, and fat free, and I want to look good in shorts, and I want to be able to wear a bathing suit this summer, and I don't want a triple bypass at 39 like my dad, and I don't want to die at 46 of a brain aneurysm like my mom. So I keep trudging along, trying new things, changing things up, hoping that eventually, I will come up with the right combination for me that will unlock the lock that has so tightly kept the fat on my body. I'm drowning, guys, and I don't see a life boat in sight.

I'm SICK!

At least I don't have the flu, or that nasty stomach bug Kathryn had that everyone in the Tyler and Whitehouse area have been passing around, but geeze!! You know when you get that yucky chest cough, it lasts FOREVER!! I've been hacking up a lung for about a week, and I swear, its enough to drive a person INSANE!! Enough, already! Cough it up and get on with it! Yuck. I hate it.

Happy Anniversary!!

Today is our anniversary; Jon's and mine. We have been married 8 years today! Febuary 27, 1999. Can you believe it?! I don't know if I can. I think its the kids that make me feel older than the anniversaries or the birthdays, though. Happy Anniversary to us!!

Planning a birthday party!

Ok, my daughter's birthday is in ONE MONTH EXACTLY! March 16. She will be 7! If that doesn't make you feel old, I don't know what does! Anyway, we've been looking around, trying to figure out where to do her party; It seems there is a lack of party places that please me this year. First of all, most of them limit you to 10 kids, and lets just say I have 10 kids before we even start inviting the ones from school!! Second of all, the cheapest ones START at about $200, and we are so not going there this year; I'd rather go to SeaWorld! Anyway, I have decided to brave the party thing myself, and do it at home. The theme will be makeovers; I'm planning on doing a few different stations for the girls, hair-dos, hands and feet, and makeup, and maybe let them get dressed up and glammed up and show off! Great, I've got my idea! Now, I need help with the finer points!?! Any input on this would be much appreciated, I am so not a girly-girl, and this stuff is stupid to me, but she's a girly girl, and she will love it. I haven't decided if its going to be a sleep-over yet; if it is, it won't be for all the girls, just a select few. Anyway, any hints or tips (or volunteers to help...) would be much appreciated, as I don't consider myself a creative genius...

STUPID ASS VALENTINES!!

Ok, I hate that my first blog entry is a negative gripe about something, but, hey, what else am I good for?! I don't like Valentine's Day. I don't see the point! Can you please tell me what we're celebrating? Do you even know what your worshipping today? Its a made up holiday by Hallmark, thank you very much! Its not a celebration of love; aren't anniversaries better for the celebration of your love than some random day in the middle of a month that happened to have no other holiday?! Does this day have any meaning for you other than what they said it does? I think I finally broke Jon's spirit on the whole thing, but not completely cause he still got me a card. Our anniversary is in 2 weeks (8 years); can't it wait for that? Normal people can't even do anything on this day, because of all the other people caught up in the madness of the retail holiday!! My family went out last evening; we are about a month away from my daughter's birthday, and we are looking for places to do the party. So, we're driving around, checking out places, and Oh, well, we're already out, let's stop for a bite to eat. So we stop at Julian's for some take out (2 combo bowls will feed my family of 4, plus leftovers!) and so Jon goes in, and they aren't taking "take out" orders today. Great, fine, we'll go in. OH, NO, because they are RESERVATION ONLY today! What BS! We want to go out as a family, something we haven't done in quite a while, and just because this Wednesday happens to be a stupid holiday because Hallmark said so, we can't eat anywhere, because no one is seating unless you already have a reservation! Fast food, it is. Its still BS.

Ok, I'm done with my rant. Its not even a big deal anymore; I know it sounds like it is, ha ha, but I just thought I would share my opinion on the whole disgusting matter, cause that's what blogs are for!